Day 5- Fear

Well, today is officially the half way point or as the master cleansers call it, "hump day."  I think that I had this expectation that once I got past day 3 and 4, supposedly the worst, that day 5 would bring a sense of empowerment and momentum.  Boy was I wrong.  Physically, I actually have felt much better today, but mentally I have had the hardest day so far.  The enormity of this decision and the realization that, at this point, I am all in.  No going back, no quitting.  Eventhough I am halfway, I still have 5 more days followed by the very critical ease out phase.  The realization that I am not going to eat for another week has mentally got me TERRIFIED.  Can I really do this?  I feel so "thin" and weak and low energy, can I really go without food for another week?

The Great Master Cleanser's talk about surrendering to the cleansing process and trusting in the results and experiences of many, but today I feel the weight of my experience and I am honestly fearful.  I am constantly reminded today that with great gain comes great pain.  Although I am not wallowing in pain perse, I am fighting an epic mental battle and doing so on maple syrup and lemon juice, not necessarily battle approved food.  In an effort to push over the hump today I treated myself to an unsweetened herbal tea from Starbucks.  Simple joys.......so delicious.

I know that the next 5 days are the time when a lot of cleansing takes place and supposedly by day 8 I should start feeling some kind of euphoria.  I am hopeful.  This journey is hard, but I am committed to following through.  One step at a time.