Bravely Go

We're moving.  No, its not really new news.  In all honesty, most of you that read my blog consistently probably are sitting there going, "Ya, we know Bethany."  Well, okay, this blog maybe is about me just saying it out loud and facing the reality that we are once again moving.

It's really funny how life works.  When we moved back to Colorado I was dead set that we were never moving again.  I was certain that Colorado was the end game.  How cute of me.  I was really convinced that once we got back to the  Rocky Mountains we would never want to leave them.  Again, its funny how life works.

When Bob had a job change last Summer, I was hit with the notion that we might someday have to move back to AZ.  I was initially so resistant but now?  I am seriously so excited about it.  We loved our years in Arizona and made some of our best friendships there.

Since making the decision to transplant our family I have been praying that the Lord would allow me to graciously say goodbye to Colorado and instead of holding onto it with a "I want to come back" grip, let it go completely and embrace a new future for our family.  God has been good on that front and while I will miss Colorado and the dear friends I have made, I am ready to close the chapter on it.  It's a big step for me.

So as of April 1 of this year, we will be Arizonans again.  We have bought a cute little home in Northeast Mesa and are anxious about the chance to once again make a house our home.  It will be wonderful to not rent anymore.  This move is so big not only for my little family but also because my parents are selling the home I grew up in and moving to Arizona too.  Yes, it is so exciting, but also just another reality check that Colorado and the memories I made will not be those made by my daughters.  It's going to be a hard change......for all of us.

Inevitably, this month of March will be the month of goodbyes and frankly, I don't really want to say them.  I would rather just say "See you later" and leave it at that.  You would think by now I would have the goodbye thing down, but it is still hard.  I have so many dear friends here.

This week as I begin the packing process, I am reminding myself to be brave.  "Be You Bravely" has been the MOPS theme this year and I am amazed at how applicable it has been for me.  I am not afraid to go, I love Arizona, but I am a little afraid to let go.......so much of my and our history was made here in the shadow of the Rockies.

But alas, it is time to say goodbye.

Our story is a good one, full of challenge and change.  I am so grateful that we love a Jesus who stays the same through it all.

Goodbye Colorado......thanks for the memories.

Hello Arizona......its GOOD to be back!

The Story of My Life

I have been invited to an annual Galentines Day party every year since we moved back to Colorado.  One of my dear friends from high school throws this annually and I was ecstatic that this year I was available to go.  I know it is sad to say, but I always have to gear up for evening events.  At 7pm I am so ready to curl up on the couch and hunker in for the evening and the thought of leaving for a party is sometimes exhausting.  Not this year, and I am so glad I did!

The art project was to take a hard backed book and make it a personal form of expression.  I know, thats vague, but the project really was to take a book, glue, markers, clippings, ribbon and tell a story.  A story of your life.  At first I didn't know where to start so I did the obvious thing and pasted the word LIFE on the front of my Charles Spurgeon Devotional book.  I felt strange defacing a book, but once I opened up to the idea I just kept going and this awesome story emerged.

Its funny that when you look back over your life there are certain poignant things that stick in your mind.  Life is so full and big and little things happen daily, but in the grand scheme of things it amazing what really sticks.

The time I met Jesus

When my heart found Bob.  My girls saw me taking pictures of this little project and just couldn't keep their hands off of it.  I love this picture......thats Evie.

Living in Colorado

then Arizona

then North Carolina

The day we had Lily Grace.  I became Mom for the first time.  She is my first

I found MOPS in all the places we lived and thank goodness for it.  A Community of Moms has been at many times my saving grace on this Motherhood journey.

We were blessed with Evie, sweet and precious Evie.  Her birth gave me a new sense of self.  I love that you can see the IRONMAN logo here.  It's symbolic.  She helped me see the possibility.  Now I can and I will.

And IRONMAN.  That big huge dream of mine that seems to be a pivotal drive in my current life chapter.  The journey will cover many pages, but will be one worth doing.

Then there is everything yet to be discovered and experienced.  The part I just can't jump to but really want to. I hope for peace, I hope for joy, but I must wait.  The future is a package worth taking the ribbon off slowly.

I could have spent copious hours on this project, but I really love what I uncovered in the 2 hours out with the gals.

Sometimes it is so good to just reminisce about your life.  It's healing and reminds you that no matter how your life has gone, you always have a story to tell.

Love in 50 Shades

This Valentines Day, my Facebook feed is clogged with posts over the controversial "Fifty Shades of Grey" Movie.  Its super sad to me.  I miss seeing everyone's confessions of love for their loved ones.  People are so angry about it, so appalled, so judgy and just so fueled up by Ms. James novel and subsequent movie.  I have been asked to sign petitions boycotting it.  I have been forwarded articles about how we as Christians must stand up against this filth and how in the world could anyone consider reading such material much less go and see the movie.   I have seen countless pictures and postings condemning everything about 50 Shades and I frankly am annoyed.

So here it goes.  I read all 3 books, and yes, I plan on seeing the movie in the comfort of my own home with my husband.

Now that some of you have gotten over the shock let me talk about why.  You see I am not a porn watcher or an erotica reader.  It can be so dangerous and crippling to us as humans and to our relationships, not to mention how sad I think it makes Jesus when men and women are exploited that way.   I don't support the industry.  I was a virgin before I got married and I have been with 1 man.  We have a glorious sex life and don't seek satisfaction anywhere else.  I am grateful for this.

Then Why Bethany?

About 4 years ago, "50 Shades of Grey" started to get some real media attention.  I saw it on the Today show and was FLOORED that erotica made my morning news, and not only erotica but BDSM erotica.  I remember going to my MOPS group at our home church a few days later and sitting at our table when one of the women, who I knew to be a believer, mentioned that she was reading "50 Shades" ....... and loving it.  What?  Out of the 8 women at our table 3 of them were reading the book.  Here we were in church.....talking about erotica.  I truly was intrigued.  If we were in a spiritual place, talking about erotica and sex openly and joyfully (a discussion which is SORELY lacking in the church) over a book, I knew I needed to explore it.  I came home, talked it over with my husband and with his support got the books and began to read.

Now, I am not going to sit here and blog over the defense of the book, but here is what I will say.  So many people, who have not read the book, are touting the book as a misogynistic female abuse novel. It's not.  I guarantee if it was millions of women wouldn't be flocking to it.  Nothing happens in the book that the female is not completely thrilled and satisfied with.  The book is a story of broken people, doing broken things and the power of love through a lot of gray (yes pun intended), mixed with some pretty steamy, kinky stuff. Its EROTICA.

I don't recommend the books.  I am not in love with them.  I don't post FB posts about them and openly yell from the hilltops that I read all 3 books.  I am discussing it here because I have been appalled at how we as Christians have engaged with this franchise.  Do I think you have to wallow in the mud to know its dirty...no.  Do I believe that erotica and porn IN ANY FORM can be dangerous.....you bet, but I also believe that in sacredness of marriage sex can and should be explored in a lot of different ways (I am not going to say any more here).

We as Christians want to make this a black and white issue when its gray. We want to judge this franchise,  and cast stones at the people that read or watch it.  We want to be angry and feel that we are standing up on the right side of something by signing petitions and boycotting.  All we are doing is driving people toward the books and towards the movies without engaging in the real issues all the hype about "50 Shades" has exposed. The saddest part?  We are also driving people away from us and from a Jesus who loves bigger than any "50 Shades."

Maybe we need to talk about sex, REAL SEX, in church and in our small groups.  Maybe we need to quit hiding behind what we think is the perfect "christian" version of sex and relationships and start realizing that we live in a messy world, with messy people who have messy pasts.  Maybe we need to realize that many of the people we want to reach READ EROTICA or engage with porn.  Lets quit thinking otherwise.  No I am not suggesting that we all give up our morals and become porn addicts, but I am suggesting that we should quit casting stones.  Trust me, not one of us is without sin.

God's goodness and grace is here, but if we continually fail to engage rightfully with this stuff as believers and as the church, we are failing our world.

God isn't afraid of "50 Shades of Grey," and we shouldn't be either.  I think its time we stop giving it power and start engaging without judgement.

20 Whole Months

Oh my, its nearly 10PM and I am just now getting to this blog for my dearest little Evie Bee.  I promise it wasn't a forgetful problem, but rather a "there is just not enough hours in the day" problem.  Goodness it seems like our life is so chaotic lately with the looming move, uncertainty surrounding that move, having sick kiddos with double ear infections and the regular ins and outs of our daily life.  Couple that with the fact that Bob has been traveling and there you have it, a recipe for it being 10PM and I am just now getting to this.  Sweet Evie, how I love you!

Evie can be summed up pretty quickly in one word these days....toddler.  She is full into the wonderful, magical toddlerific place.  I love it.  Most of the time.  She is so curious and into everything.  She loves to read books and especially loves to eat markers.  Her little self wants to do anything and everything her Big Sister does and she finds it SO frustrating when she either can't keep up or falls.  My girls are so close to being in that really fun place where they truly can play together.

Evie is so strong, much like Lily which leads to more than our fair share of power struggles and screaming matches in our house.  Its going to be interesting to see how we navigate the female hormones in our house.  The 3 of us girls are all mighty with opinions to match.  Thank Goodness Bob is such a chill guy, he sometimes really is the calm in the storm.

Speaking of Bob, he is still the light in little Evie's life.  She just adores him and looks for him everywhere.  Her favorite thing right now is to get dressed and get her hair done then run to her Daddy and hear him tell her that she looks like a princess.  She seriously will run to the bathroom, pull her hair and then the second it is done run to him for approval.  It is so important to her and he LOVES to do it.  Such a great Daddy.

The little lady is SO independent.  She doesn't want help eating, she doesn't want to hold your hand across the street, No she wants to be in charge of her own destiny.  She LOVES the word NO and has absolutely mastered its usage.  Its cute except when its not.  Man, I love to see her grow.

Evie is so full of life right now.  She practically lives in her squeaky shoes and loves the attention she gets everywhere she goes.  She's joyful, curious, mischievous and such a love bug.

Sure it's late, but its only because I've been going all day with this bundle of fun and her sister.  

Happy 20 Months Bee! Your Daddy and I love you so much.  Every day with you is so precious and such a gift.  Keep exploring life and finding all sorts of trouble to get into.  Big squishy "uggs" and "tisses."

Journey to IRONMAN: That One Day I Spent in the ER for Nothing....

I have never considered myself a hypochondriac.  Sure, I HATE being sick or injured, but I am not the person to run into the doctor or jump on the "Im going to die bandwagon," without legitimate reason.  I hate the ER and will avoid it with a passion.  Its costly, long and just not fun....AT ALL.  So 4 days ago when a stomach pain that I have been dealing with on and off for a couple of months really started to hurt, I found myself wrestling with what to do.  The pain is on the right side of my lower abdomen, to the right and slightly down.  Its painful to the touch and I have been dealing with some nausea.

How many of you start thinking appendix?

So here I am with this pain and with the knowledge that if it is my appendix, it could go okay to horrible fairly quickly.  Unfortunately we are not established with a family practitioner, so I call my OBGYN who refuses to see me and suggests I go to the ER.  I then call the local urgent care with the same suggestion.  I called 3 different clinics making sure that I didn't over emphasize my symptoms and without much conversation everyones response was to go the the ER.  So, that is what we did.

At least Evie had fun...

After 6 hours in the hospital getting test after superfluous test, the Doctor comes into the room with a clean bill of health and a stomach strain diagnosis.  A what?  Yep, a stomach strain.  I didn't even know you could strain a stomach.  I was beyond discouraged, embarrassed and frustrated.  Don't get me wrong, I am glad that I didn't need surgery or anything of the sort, but to be in the ER completely healthy with basically a pulled muscle was humiliating.

I know you are all asking, well how did that happen Bethany?  One word

Cycling

I have said it before here on this blog, I am not, nor have I ever been a cyclist.  In the past 2 months I have gone from never riding a bike to riding a bike 2-4 times a week in the aero position (hunched over). These new cycling related pains and strains are completely new to me and apparently mimic appendix like symptoms.

I came home on Monday so discouraged and almost ready to throw in the IRONMAN towel.  I have just barely started this IRONMAN journey and I already have a strained stomach that convinced me an ER visit was necessary?  This does not bode well for me.

3 Days later though, I am reminded that no journey worth taking isn't going to have obstacles and lessons to be learned. IRONMAN is going to be fraught with pains and strains.  Its IRONMAN.

 So.....there you have it.  Another lesson learned on the road to IRONMAN......a very pricey lesson.