When Life Takes a Turn

I have turf toe.  I legitimately injured myself and it is going to take months, yes MONTHS, to get back to where I was before September 1.  Whoa, this happened 6 weeks ago?  YES, it has taken until a week ago for me to humbly and clearly admit, that I seriously messed up my foot, I cannot run, I most likely will not run before 2019, and this recovery process is going to be long.  

Why didn't you go into a boot right away Bethany?  

1. I am an IRONMAN- not being arrogant, just noting that my pain tolerance changed.

2. Because at first it didn't feel that bad. It just sort of hurt, not excruciatingly, not in a debilitating way, it just was annoying.

I have had foot aches and pains before, I have had body aches and pains before.  I have dropped down my intensity and done what needed to be done to get aches and pains resolved.  I thought I was handling this toe ache right too.  I really did.  Unfortunately, I didn't really understand the extent of the damage turf toe causes and did things that exacerbated the problem, like wear high heels, and stretch the wrong muscles. I had no idea what I actually did until the pain began intensifying and I found myself basically unable to walk.

 

I am going to say it outloud.  Turf toe is a debilitating injury, and I am officially debilitated.  Grounded. Stopped.

Life took a turn.

And guys, It sucks.  Can I just say that here?  It demoralizingly sucks, and I have battled with myself, my husband, and with reality regarding this detour. How?  How in the world did I train and rock an IRONMAN with no injury, and then one day I bent my toe too far and am so injured I can't even walk. Man, it sucks and seriously makes me want to cry more times than I care to admit!

So I made this turn, and now I am headed down this new road, with that old well worn road behind me, and this new road is scary.  I don't know where it goes.......there is no running on it.  Its different, and unexpected, and feels all weird, and while I made the turn, I still don't like it.  I wanna go back.

But I can't, and am working so hard to embrace this trajectory change with confidence knowing that I will find that old road again, but it is probably going to look a bit different and take a long time to find.  Every athlete deals with injuries, and that in the grand scheme of life this is going to barely be a blip, right? How I wish it was really that easy.

But like God promises, where one door closes a window is always open, and that window for me is my new HPC Rush Club Family.  Who would have known that when a dear swim Mom (who I sat on the bleacher's with me all Summer) invited me to her Crossfit Gym, that it would inevitably be the biggest blessing in my life.  This gym. This family. These people.

Adapt or Die

Three words that have become my personal mantra. In the midst of my pity party I messaged AJ, the owner of my gym, and told him that I wasn't even sure I could come to the gym anymore.  How do you workout without your feet? Without skipping a beat he told me to get to the gym and he would help me.  So I did, and the first day he told me, "Bethany, I know astounding athletes who have no legs.....you can do this for a few months with a boot." Touche..........you're not wrong.

So, I am trading in my years of exhausting my lower body for a chance to let my upper body have a go. And man.......there really is no excuse.  I am truly only limited by my mind. You would think I would know this.  I have it tattooed on my arms for crying out loud.

Life took an unexpected turn, and its going to be a long, arduous, and a full of modifications detour to get back.......

.......but I am not lost. 

Playing with Ponies

These three. You know when I was little I can remember my Momma talking about the day when I would have little girls and she could teach them to ride horses and do all the things she loves.  Man did I deliver!  Give these girls some muck boots, a barn, horses, and hay, and they are all pretty happy campers.

It was deliciously cool up in the mountains while we were there.  Cold enough that we valley folk had to wear layers, plus a hat, and snuggle the fire!  So much fun!

When we finally got outside, the girls were all in with the horses.  This little old lady has been a staple in my life since I was 7.  Sweet Bon Bon, how grateful I am that both my girls will have lasting memories on her.  She still trucking along even though she is most definitely in her twilight years.  

Lily's current favorite ride is this guy, RJ.  He is awesome, and a bully.  Awesome for kids, bully to other horses.  He really is a sweet boy though, and Lily and Mr. RJ have found a true companionship.  I dare say Lily is becoming quite the rider.

One day while out in the arena, Memaw spotted this little guy!  A TARANTULA!  He was so cute and just desperately trying to find his way out of the endless rocky arena.  I had a blast and once again the girls learned about another spider that inhabits the desert!

I was still nursing my very injured foot and couldn't do much but sit and watch, but I am so glad for the time my girls get with their Memaw, learning about animal care, and finding out they are good at yet another sport.  Its good and what childhood memories are made of.

Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?

Who says that living in Arizona means you can't have snow?  Not this girl, and we found some this past week!

Its been a great Fall Break over here, minus my foot injury.  We have had lovely time with Grandparents and have truly lived the "break" life.  After Grandma and Grandpa Hill left, we trekked up to the chilly mountains to visit Memaw and Papa.

While they still don't have any snow to speak of, the high country got 8 inches!  Sunrise Ski Resort got a fresh dump of snow 3 days prior to our arrival and we took the hour drive to the bottom to see if we could catch any snow before it melted. 

Once we discovered out snowy playground, I hobbled around admiring the colors while everyone else started a snowball fight.  Look at this guy....like a kid.

After successfully waging the snowball war, everyone transitioned to snowman building.  The wet snow was perfect for ball creation and in short order, Mr. Arizona Snowman popped off the ground.

YEP, we built a snowman!

What a fun way to spend our first day up in the mountains, and we all CANNOT wait to go back at Christmas time and maybe even ski!

Tea Time with Grandma Jill

Oh these two.....we love them so much!  With work schedules and bunches of grandkids to visit, we don't get them very often, but when we do? Man.....we have a great time and the smiles on my girls are permanently plastered.

We are oh so close to maybe having these two a couple of neighborhoods away instead of several states. YES, retirement is coming, and they are coming this way!  EEEEE!  We all might be a little bit excited.

Grandma and Grandpa came down over the Columbus Day holiday weekend and we had such a nice time just being with them.  I think Grandma and the girls had 4 tea parties, played every game in our closet, and touched every grain of sand at the park.  One thing is for sure, Grandma Jill loves to play, and be, and soak up every second with her grandkids.

Grandpa Steve wins the prize for the most generous and kind Grandpa.  He and Bob worked on our house all weekend and I am so humbled by his willingness to give his time, energy, and vacation to help us get our house back in order.  We have some incredible people in our lives and we truly feel deeply loved.

The weekend was full and flew by in a haze of Starbucks runs, long conversations, games, date nights, more games, park play, and tea parties. 

Oh....and endless streams of giggles.

Hold On To Less: Give Away More

Nearly three weeks ago, the pastor at our church spoke on the topic of Spiritual Warfare.  This topic is one that is challenging to speak about because for some it seems so "out there."  Really?  There are spiritual forces at work around us? Like demons and angels and all of that?  I get it. I myself have wrestled with the validity of such a belief for much of my own spiritual journey.

But time and time again, I have been shown that it is real and active and that there is darkness all around that threatens to press in.  When Jesus says to "be a light on a hill," and that He is a "lamp unto my feet," He addresses this darkness.  We are commanded to Let our light shine, because the darkness.......ooooooo it presses.

I know this first hand because of the week my family has had. Darkness and fear are real, and the battle for the light is raging........but let me step back.

So......I am injured, and having to deal with a bunch of personal insecurities.  I am having to let go and let God, and its cathartic, and hard, and awful, and beautiful.  The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. It has given me time to get out of my own self and open my eyes to others.

Which brings us to a week ago.  One of my dear girlfriends is battling stage 4 cancer.  She has beaten the odds, but is still in the fight for her life, and she shared with all of us that one of the medications proven to kill her cancer the best, has had all regulations changed and is no longer covered with insurance, or may not even be available locally.  As if the Lord smacked both of us at the same time Bob and I knew that we were supposed to commit to giving this family the cost of the medication every month.  We had long discussions about our budget, and how we could make it work, and without question, we knew our resources needed to go to her.  So we committed to each other and to God before I left for CO.

The day after our commitment, Bob calls me in CO early in the morning to tell me that our hall bathroom has a leak and has destroyed the flooring and other furniture in half of our house. 

Its a BIG mess, he had to demo half our house, things are ruined, and dollar signs are adding up.  As he is telling me this, all I can think about is the reality of spiritual warfare.

I have injured my foot giving me dark insecurities, the day after we commit to giving a significant amount of money indefinitely our house floods, and our deductible is $1000?  I honestly felt that dark spirit audibly say, "see Bethany, you can't afford to give money away.  You need to keep it for yourself to fix your house, plus you're injured and can't do what you want to do. What if you need further medical care on your foot? What if you have to live on concrete floors for a really long time? No, don't give your hard earned money, just keep it. You need it."

Guys, in 5 seconds, the spirit of the Lord, the Light in the darkness fell over me, and I said outloud, "Dude, not today Satan, NOT TODAY! I am not afraid, I have been called to give and to obey and if my life becomes inconvenient or hard for it, then so be it! I am not afraid of what life has dealt us."

Something amazing happens when you obey out of trust and stop simply reacting out of fear.  The Lord multiplies your blessings, the Lord SHOWS UP!  Not only have we been able to give the money, but my dear friend Sarah matched the gift doubling Ashley's cancer fighting efforts this month. The contractor is allowing us to work off our deductible meaning that we will have nothing out of pocket for the remodel on our house, and the outpouring of friends willing to do our laundry, take our kids, bring us beer, or tell us they love us has been IMMEASURABLY OVERWHELMING.  Jesus is real and active and moving.  GOD IS NOT DEAD.  I have been held and loved and supported by the hands and feet of Jesus.

Our life is full of hard unplanned stuff right now that, if we let it, will overwhelm and produce a dark cloud over our life. The urge to hold onto every ounce of control, of money, and of self is calling.

We however, will not fear, God has not left and has shown up in more ways than I can even enumerate.  When life is uncertain,  hold on to less and give away more. Be obedient to what the Lord has called you to. For the richness of life comes in the blessing of watching one act of obedience multiply.