I have turf toe. I legitimately injured myself and it is going to take months, yes MONTHS, to get back to where I was before September 1. Whoa, this happened 6 weeks ago? YES, it has taken until a week ago for me to humbly and clearly admit, that I seriously messed up my foot, I cannot run, I most likely will not run before 2019, and this recovery process is going to be long.
Why didn't you go into a boot right away Bethany?
1. I am an IRONMAN- not being arrogant, just noting that my pain tolerance changed.
2. Because at first it didn't feel that bad. It just sort of hurt, not excruciatingly, not in a debilitating way, it just was annoying.
I have had foot aches and pains before, I have had body aches and pains before. I have dropped down my intensity and done what needed to be done to get aches and pains resolved. I thought I was handling this toe ache right too. I really did. Unfortunately, I didn't really understand the extent of the damage turf toe causes and did things that exacerbated the problem, like wear high heels, and stretch the wrong muscles. I had no idea what I actually did until the pain began intensifying and I found myself basically unable to walk.
I am going to say it outloud. Turf toe is a debilitating injury, and I am officially debilitated. Grounded. Stopped.
Life took a turn.
And guys, It sucks. Can I just say that here? It demoralizingly sucks, and I have battled with myself, my husband, and with reality regarding this detour. How? How in the world did I train and rock an IRONMAN with no injury, and then one day I bent my toe too far and am so injured I can't even walk. Man, it sucks and seriously makes me want to cry more times than I care to admit!
So I made this turn, and now I am headed down this new road, with that old well worn road behind me, and this new road is scary. I don't know where it goes.......there is no running on it. Its different, and unexpected, and feels all weird, and while I made the turn, I still don't like it. I wanna go back.
But I can't, and am working so hard to embrace this trajectory change with confidence knowing that I will find that old road again, but it is probably going to look a bit different and take a long time to find. Every athlete deals with injuries, and that in the grand scheme of life this is going to barely be a blip, right? How I wish it was really that easy.
But like God promises, where one door closes a window is always open, and that window for me is my new HPC Rush Club Family. Who would have known that when a dear swim Mom (who I sat on the bleacher's with me all Summer) invited me to her Crossfit Gym, that it would inevitably be the biggest blessing in my life. This gym. This family. These people.
Adapt or Die
Three words that have become my personal mantra. In the midst of my pity party I messaged AJ, the owner of my gym, and told him that I wasn't even sure I could come to the gym anymore. How do you workout without your feet? Without skipping a beat he told me to get to the gym and he would help me. So I did, and the first day he told me, "Bethany, I know astounding athletes who have no legs.....you can do this for a few months with a boot." Touche..........you're not wrong.
So, I am trading in my years of exhausting my lower body for a chance to let my upper body have a go. And man.......there really is no excuse. I am truly only limited by my mind. You would think I would know this. I have it tattooed on my arms for crying out loud.
Life took an unexpected turn, and its going to be a long, arduous, and a full of modifications detour to get back.......
.......but I am not lost.