That Baby Changed Everything

Its a year and 2 days since everything changed.  I simply couldn't let this time pass without sharing the transformation that I have gone through following the birth of my final baby.  I remember watching a documentary before delivering Lily all about natural childbirth.  Woman upon woman kept expressing how life changing the moment was, "Every woman should experience it. It will change the way you view yourself."

Well, Lily's delivery was tough and long and frankly nothing I was prepared for.  While I was able to deliver her without a c section, I still dealt with the frustrations of modern medicine and all the interventions gently (and at times not so gently) forced upon me.  I had an epidural, and pitocin, and a narcotic and had to deliver on my back and vomited from the drugs and.....well you get it.   It's okay, I didn't really educate myself before hand.  I was anxious and new and really, the only thing that matters is that Lily made it safely earth side.  Even though I broke my sit bone and she her collar bone.  I am proud of my story, but that truly natural birthing experience had alluded me.

Then I got pregnant with Evie.  From start to finish it was a different story.  I educated myself, read articles, followed birthing blogs, spoke to mothers who had had the natural experience, chose a MIDWIFE, stayed active and healthy and prayed that I would be able to have that natural delivery I longed for.  I prayed daily for it, approached it without fear and learned this new ability to trust in my body.

Evie's due date was a life altering date.  Her entire birth from first contraction to the excruciating last one FOREVER changed my personal perspective.  I have never experienced pain like that.  I have never experienced power like that.  I remember the moment before she came out.  The pain was unbelievable.  I was screaming and feeling my will fading.  There was a moment in my head amidst the screaming and "Get her OUT, Get her OUT, GET HER OUT!!!"  That went like this, "Oh God,  the pain is simply too great.  I can't push past it.  If I push I will tear myself apart.  What if I die?"  Then this little voice said with confidence, "Well then Bethany, you are going to tear apart giving birth to a beautiful little girl.  You CAN do this.  Come what may it is now time to surrender your fear, trust your body, push through the pain and find out truly what you are made of, NOW PUSH!"

And I did.

I lost myself in that moment, just gave everything I had and pushed.  Next thing I heard was my mom squealing, "Bethany, SHE'S HERE! Reach down and grab her!"  I came back to it and looked down to find that not only was I alive, but my tiny little baby that fit so tight inside was earth side. The pain that was so great was gone, and so was the old me.

That experience truly changed me.  I am strong, I can do great things, I am capable of SO much more than I ever gave myself credit for.  I became an empowered woman.  Not in the I am woman hear me roar way, but in the I am done doubting myself way.  It was absolutely a game changer for me.  I can run marathons, push a 100 pound jogger, climb mountains on a bike, chase an IRONMAN and confidently handle all that life has thrown at me and us.  Impossible just got a whole lot more possible.

We are made from our experiences and our own personal tragedies and triumphs.  The day I delivered Evie was a major making moment.

That Baby Changed Everything.