I am a Warrior

This is my story, my special birth story.  Its only mine, no one elses. I am not going to tell it for "bragging rights" for kuddos or to prove I am somehow more special than another mother.   I am proud of it, I am amazed by it, I am humbled by it and I want to remember it.  God was good, He was real, He was my strength and He was ever present on that day.  Evie's Birthday......

My pregnancy was hard, so very hard.  Every day that my due date ebbed closer I started feeling hopeless about being able to deliver naturally and drug free.  I wanted the experience so badly.  Thankfully the Lord lead me to an amazing Facebook page and blog simply titled birthwithoutfear.  It was empowering.  Just women from all walks of life telling their stories, connecting to each other through birth and reminding each other that each birth is special, life giving and beautiful. No matter how you deliver to trust your body, it KNOWS, just.....trust.....it.

I had set myself up for a different experience this time by choosing to birth with a midwife.  I was in a hospital, but choosing a midwife changed the approach.  She trusted my body, she didn't check me constantly, she didn't test this and poke that, she listened to me, to what I was telling her, to how I was feeling.  She was like this through the entire pregnancy.

My real contractions started in the wee small hours of the morning on Tuesday the 11th.  I remember the first one that officially hurt happening at 1:50AM.  20 minutes later another contraction.  25 minutes later another contraction.  I decided to change positions and go to the couch.  Best to let Bob sleep I thought.  I would sleep for 20 minutes or so, wake up and have a contraction.  By 6 in the morning we were all up and I was fairly certain that I was in labor, but nothing was getting closer.  So I went for a walk.  Upon returning, I crossed the street to my house and felt my water leaking.  Yep I had ruptured the sac.  So I called my midwife, Alisa Sajadi.

She told me not to go to the hospital, but to head to the Ob's office where she would confirm if it was my water and if I was in fact in labor.  So Bob, Lily and I headed over where she confirmed that YES it was my water and that I was in fact dilated to 5cm and in labor.

Today was going to be the day!  They put me on the monitor for a while and then Alisa told me to go home, labor there, eat, rest and call her when the contractions were 7 minutes apart.  What a difference!  You DO NOT have to rush into the hospital when your water breaks.  It's what is supposed to happen and Alisa trusted my body.  So did I.

So we went home, met Mom and Dad, took walks, had contractions, made beds, watched a movie and just labored all together.  It was so peaceful.  Sure enough at about 12:30, my contractions were averaging about every 7 minutes apart so we grabbed our bags and headed to the hospital.

Once in the room they had to get the IV line in.  After 4 missed attempts, vomitting from each of the pokes and contracting through the process, they called in the IV SWAT team.

Thank the Lord! IV was in!  Alisa came in to check me, told me I was at 6cm and then stripped my membranes.  She gave me strict instructions not to get back in that hospital bed.  I could labor ANYWHERE else, just not there.  So I got a medicine ball and then we walked the halls.  Walking the halls got the contractions really amped up.  I would walk 15-20 steps and have a contraction.  Managing the pain was done by leaning into Bob, sticking my tushy out, spreading my legs and letting a nurse or my Mom dig their hands into my lower back, oh yeah, and breathing and counting.

 All the while I kept wondering if I was progressing, but Alisa wouldn't check me (I am so thankful for that).  Alisa told me that if I was choosing to go naturally I needed to stay focused on managing the contractions not dealing with progressing or not.  She asked me about my pressure, and told me that if I felt the need to push I needed to tell her.  She was hands off, she trusted me.

We came back to the room and I labored on the ball hunched over the bed for a while and then got up to walk the halls.  By 4:30, I was contracting every couple of minutes and sometimes only seconds would pass between contractions.  By 5 in the evening I was contracting so often that we could hardly walk the halls.  I would take 3 steps then contract, 3 more then contract.  Oh they were getting painful.  As each contraction hit, I got louder and had a harder time focusing on getting through them.  Thank God for my support team.

Time for something new.....the jacuzzi!  The tub was just the "break" I needed.  I sat in the hot water for a while and had some BIG contractions.  I had to look into someone's eyes else I started getting lost in the pain, it was so painful!  I couldn't even think about how much more painful it was going to be, I just had to take them one at a time, one excruciating moment at a time.  At about 5:30 I wanted out of the tub.  Gotta do something different.  I made it out of the tub and onto the ball again only to have 3 crazy intense, scream worthy contractions.  Bob was behind me and it took Alisa looking into my eyes and coaching me to "lower my voice" to get me through them.  They wouldn't stop and all of a sudden the pain was different, so. much. pressure.  I needed to push.  In a matter of seconds, I was on my knees on the floor squatting over the bed with Bob holding my hands and pulling my arms from across the bed, my Mom to my left, my nurse Emily to my right, Alisa behind me ready to catch a baby.

Pushing through the pain was so unbelievably intense.  For the first time in the process I experienced fear.  There is no way I can push through this.  It is so excruciating   I am going to tear apart.  "PUSH" they all yelled, I summoned strength, pulled against Bob and screamed into the bed.  I can't do this, it hurts too much!  I screamed again with another contraction and pushed as hard as I could.  "I can't do this!!!!!" I told Bob.  He looked me straight in the eyes and told me, "Yes you can, now push!"  Oh it was non stop.  PUSH!  I screamed again and this time I just couldn't imagine having to push harder.  "Bethany, she's crowning!"  Keep pushing.  AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH, I pushed so hard, and the pain was so great. "Bethany, her head is out, come on!  One more big push and she will be here!"  I screamed "Get her out, get her out, GET HER OUT!"  In one life altering moment I found a level of strength, power and will I never knew I had and pushed with everything I had in me.  I screamed myself silly and the next thing I knew everyone said, "She is here, Bethany! Reach down and grab her."

Alisa handed my new little baby up through my legs and I sat back on the floor completely exhausted, but amazed!  I had done it, I had brought my little girl into the world.  The pain was over.

Bob came around and got down on his knees.  He said simply, "I am so proud of you, YOU did it!"

Yes I did!  I will never doubt my strength and will.  I will never forget the experience.  Evie Frances is my confirmation that God is Big, and He created us to do incredible things.