Where there is LOVE......

there is discipline.  Where there is discipline, there are boundaries, and where there are boundary lines, my child has made it her mission to put her whole self across them.

Let me tell you, it has been so bad lately that I have had moments where I have clearly felt like an EPIC parenting failure.  Grace and I have always known that Jancsi and Lily have the sibling rivalry and relationship thing in the bag.  They may come from different mothers, but there are times you would never, EVER know.  After about 3 lovely days of fun, farm and playtime, we have now entered into full sibling mode where even being in the same vicinity of one another causes fits of screaming and naughtiness.  Its been real special.

This dynamic aside, Lily has been just plain awful.  Awful, rotten and just the naughtiest most defiant little sinful creature that I have ever encountered.

 In the span of 48 hours, she has slapped my face, kicked me, screamed numerous times at me, dumped her food, thrown her food, taken toys from Jancsi and told me "NO!" to my face more times than I can count.  I have literally exhausted my book of discipline, hence the failure comment.  Bob and my discipline choices usually turn Lily back into a good kid with little to no fuss?  What in the world?  I have found myself thinking, "Okay, I think I need a class or a book or something because I don't know what else to do."  I mean really, we don't spare the rod, but the rod is whittling away with use.  Oh faithful followers, its bad!

In all of this I have found myself in a place of anger and great sorrow.  I hate to always have to be "on" with this discipline.  I want my fun little girl back to snuggle, cuddle and play with.  I was about ready to cry my own self to sleep last night when she finally gave me a glimmer of hope.  She laid down beside me, put her arm around my neck and said simply, "Wuv you Mommy."  Oh Praise Jesus, my discipline is speaking love into her little life.

Being a parent, no, I mean REALLY being an "on all the time, consistent" parent is the hardest job I have ever had.  Speaking love through discipline is not fun, point in fact, it sucks, but the past few days have shown me how incredibly important it is.  Lily has crossed every boundary several times, she has discovered naughtiness I never knew she had in her and railed against any limitations put on her independent spirit, but she knows she is loved, by ME.

And recently I have had to LOVE her hard!

I LOVE these Bellies

I simply love having my running buddy back, even if it is just for a 8 days.  Texas and Colorado just aren't close enough.  It's even sweeter that we are pregnant together.  We always talked about what would it be like to be pregnant together and it is simply a wonderful God given experience.  Especially because we are both having little ladies, or perhaps future running buddies?

We have both tried our darndest to keep our running shoes in motion during this pregnancy and have used each other as the extra motivation and inspiration to keep going.  Sure some of it has been good old healthy competition, but I know that for me it has given me something to focus on other than the never ending yucky feeling.  There are some days that we will each post a run on facebook and realize that we were running at about the same time.  Gives a whole new meaning to the term "distance running."

Well after the awful Thanksgiving bug, I simply could not wait to get out to Texas and run with Grace in the Ft. Worth Cowtown 5k.  At 37 weeks she is still going strong, and at 25 weeks I had gone 3 days without vomiting so 3 miles seemed like the perfect distance.  Of course, it did require an hour and 40 minute car ride to get to the start, and we really underestimated how big the race actually was, but after stressful traffic, finding parking, loosing Sebron and, oh yeah, doing all of this with 4 children in tow, we made it to the start with 15 minutes to spare.  Whew!

Grace and I found a great system for pushing all of our charges.  With two securely on our bodies we put the other two in the double jogger and then pushed behind our respective toddlers.  Boy we must have looked a sight.  Too bad we couldn't get any "in motion" pictures.  In an attempt to not run over anyone with our wide load, we decided to hang at the back of the very big 5k pack.  Wrong choice.  Here we are "runners" and the 5k crowd is a different group, especially the back of the 5k crowd.  5k's are like social jaunts. Some run, but most are new runners, so the etiquette is lost on them, and the back of the pack is where the "walkers/strollers/morning jaunters hang out."  Speed or any kind of gumption is nill, everyone is talking to their friends without thought to anything else, and most of the others have their headphones in and are oblivious to the outside world.  I am waiting for the Ft. Worth review to come out and have the headlines read, "Pregnant women disrupt 5k run with their incessant, 'ON YOUR LEFT.'"  It was our mantra the whole time.

We managed to cross the finish line after being able to run the entire way.  We waded through the line, got some food, had the kids eat it all and then got back in our car to head back to Saint Jo!  I adore this family, and LOVE these bellies.

Glad we got to make more running memories together!

I LOVE New Adventures

When we Longmires moved away from the Jessups, we knew it was only a matter of time until we made an appearance on the Texas Range.  While it may have taken over 9 months to get on the books, and even though only 3 of us Longmires could make it, we packed our bags, grabbed our boots and headed to Saint Jo, TX!

Lily loves all things horsey and ranch related, so I was fairly confident that she would love all things cow, farm and hay related too.  I wasn't wrong!  We have been here 2 days and Lily is in kiddo heaven!  It would appear that she is just like her Momma, always up for new adventures and exciting new places.

Let me tell you, compared to our semi humdrum life in our Denver apartment, farm life is BUSY.  When we arrived on Wednesday night we immediately got in the big truck and headed out after Sebron to feed the cows.

Now feeding the cows isn't just, "Here, cowsies, cowsies, come up to the house to get some hay."  No its a, get the truck and the trailer, follow Sebron to the Hay spot at the top of the hill, wait as he loads 5 BIG round bales of hay onto the trailer, then take the slow, mile long truck trip to the feeding spot at the back of the property, all the while honking and calling for the hundreds of cows to follow you.  Its a process and one that Lily found fascinating, Jancsi too, but he gets to do it all the time!

 I think the kids especially love it because they get to be "free range kids" in the truck, no belts, no seats and a front, side, rear, on mom over mom, out the window view of all things happening.  What fun.

We got to take little Jonni, the puppy with the broken leg, to the country vet to have her cast changed.  I LOVE small towns.  The vet is a married couple and their little hospital is friendly and very educational.  Not only did Lily get to pick the puppy's cast color, but she got a front row view of the casting.

I will tell you, I think we have a budding medical lady.  She just loves the stuff!

Feeding the chickens and collecting eggs has been a big highlight too.  Lily and Jancsi each get a bucket with chicken food that they have to carry up the big hill to the chicken coop.

What doesn't fall out or get "planted" makes it into the chicken coop.  The kiddos loved standing at the door watching Grace the chicken whisperer do her stuff.  We then got to find and hold the eggs,  I tried to get the kids looking at me with their treasures, but Lily was far more involved in the goings on in the coop.

This picture screams, "Here Mom, take the picture of my egg, but I just don't have time to look at you, I'm just too busy."  Too cute.  Unlike Jancsi, Lily has yet to learn that eggs have to be treated gently and are not impervious to children. She crashed two together on the first day and scored a "basket" with the second one on the following day.  Good thing the chickens are popping out eggs, because my child has been sacrificing many in the learning process.

Bath time last night was like old times except Lily was all about cleaning Jancsi and dumping water on him while Jancsi was not entirely convinced this set up was a good one.  We didn't last long in the tub together, but it was long enough to make some good memories!

This morning we had a old/new adventure when we buckled our babies in the double jogger and did what Grace and I do best, went running.  Well, we went waddling.

It was great and a fun way to see Saint Jo!  Looking forward to more adventures.  This is FUN!

Last Weekend: A LOVE and Hate Relationship

The past 3 days have been traumatically wonderful.  Yeah, I know it sounds strange and I am sure you are wondering where in the world I am going with this.  How else do you describe 3 days that have been so low and miserable I found myself railing against God, and so wonderful I found myself thanking Him for His goodness?  Once you finish this post, you will understand.

I woke up Friday morning to the dreaded, "Boy, honey, I don't feel well."  No, it wasn't me this time, it was Bob.  Last week was one of those yucky weeks for me that started with 2 days of vomiting.  By Friday I was still not feeling great and debating the logic of attempting my final 10 miler the following day.  When Bob woke up sick I had this foreboding feeling.  That tiny little voice that said, "Oh good, a holiday weekend and we are going to be sicker than sick, get ready."  Then it got real low.

 I got a call Friday night letting me know that one of the couples in our family had just delivered their baby at 36 weeks after discovering there was no heartbeat.  This precious little one was born into the arms of Jesus, his precious parents struggling with unbelievable shock and loss.  I cannot imagine, I couldn't fathom and frankly I have never felt such unbridled emotion.  How could something so tragic happen?  What was going on?  Where was the LORD???  I went to bed praying for a miracle I knew would not happen, asking for redemption and crying my heart and eyes out.  I spent the night waiting and feeling for Evie, relishing each brief movement and kick.  I couldn't sleep, wouldn't sleep, but was utterly exhausted.  I have never felt so angry, low and sad.

Saturday began with more tears and a sore throat for me.  Gosh will this sickness thing ever end?  I found myself in constant emotional pain desperately trying to offer comfort to those closest to the sweet parents.  To those who reached out to me as a source of relief.  What could I say? nothing.  What could I do? nothing.  There was no amount of words, or religious platitudes that would fix it.  No, just my tears, mixed in with this precious little angel's aunts, cousins and family.  Oh the burden was great.  I found myself screaming at God?  Where are YOU?  Where is the grace?  Where is the mercy? Oh it was low and dark. Couple this with constant baby sickness and now a sore throat, aching head and snotty nose and you have what can only be described as a Valley of Darkness.

I didn't, couldn't run my 10 miles and havent been able to run since, and as Saturday progressed Bob got worse and worse.  Poor guy.  Sunday was the all time health low for Bob.  He spent the entire day in bed unable to keep anything from coming back out.  I felt yucky but was on full parent mode.  Thankfully we had a wonderful distraction in the evening and Lily and I went to celebrate Kennleighs and MyKenna's birthday.

Thank the Lord for happy things..... my cup was going on empty by that time.

Bob spent Saturday night coughing himself silly, while I slept on the couch propped up with 4 pillows unable to breathe and unable to take anything because, well, I'm pregnant.  I broke the monotony of sickness by relishing each kick and movement of my little girl.  Oh for silver linings.

By yesterday, when I woke up, I could only describe the feeling as hopeless.  I was tired, felt icky, Bob too and we had a very rambunctious toddler (who managed to dodge this whole nastiness, knock on wood) to entertain.    Then, I got the text message that Chase and Beth were in the hospital laboring to bring little Elly Katherine into the world.  Ah HOPE!  I made it my mission yesterday to have my phone within an arms reach at all time, follow every update and forward them onto those who, like me, needed some joy.  Finally at 4:00pm Elly arrived, perfect in every way.

Thank you Jesus!  With every picture, every text message, every Facebook post, I felt my cup slowly slowly beginning to fill up faster than it was emptying.

Today we are still not feeling great, but, the weekend is over.  Praise the Lord that sorrow may last for a night (okay 4 nights) but joy DOES come again.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

    for His compassions never fail. 

They are new every morning;    great is Your faithfulness....

Though He brings grief, He will show compassion,

    so great is His unfailing love. 

For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to any human being. 

Lamentations 3: 22, 23 & 33 

I LOVE my Husband

I hopped on Facebook today to find a barrage of Valentines Day wishes.  The most common are of course between those in love, married or in some kind of committed relationship.  As cheesy as it is to post on Facebook, "I love my Valentine, Mr so and so," I found myself smiling with each declaration of love.  For some reason, making a public statement declaring your love, commitment and undying devotion out loud, even if that public is primarily a cyber one, is so powerful.  Saying it out loud makes it somehow more concrete, more real, more tangible so that is why on today of all days I am declaring out loud that:

I LOVE my husband, Bob Longmire!

It might be cliche to say, but after nearly 9 years of marriage, I am more in love with him today than I was back on that overcast day in 2004.  We just know each other better.  There is an intimacy that goes so far beyond the physical.  Its of the heart, mind, soul, spirit.  I know, sounds a bit cheesy, but I can't help it.  I waited patiently for my Prince to come and he did.  I thank the Lord everyday that He grew our relationship into a marriage before we ever had a physical component.  To know that your spouse intimately loves your heart, is a gift of pure joy.  It really is.

Bob's love for me puts me to shame.  He never goes a day without telling me I am beautiful and loved.  He is not afraid to challenge me and address hard issues.  He respects my opinion and considers me an equal.  He is a partner in all sense of the word.  He is unafraid to admit when he is wrong or consider the reality that he doesn't know what he is doing, or where he is going.  There is no pretense.  He is selfless, even in moments of selfishness and desperately seeks to live in a world focused on others.  He has want for little yet strives to see the wants of others met.  He is calm, peaceful and loyal to a fault.  If you need him, he will be there, no question.  He is strong and I don't just mean physically.

He has the drive and passion to run 4 marathons in 4 weeks, train for a 100 miler ultramarathon, attempt the Double Triple Bypass Cycling tour and pursue the goal of an IRONMAN Triathlon, yet willing to run 4 miles at a snail's pace with his pregnant wife while pushing his 2 year old toddler.   He gets what matters, even if I have to sometimes remind him.  He would rather spend 10 minutes running next to his toddler than racing for some personal record.  He is balanced.  He can work 10 hour days and be busier than I even know, yet take the time to take me out for an uninterrupted Valentines Day lunch.  I'm important, Lily's important and we know it.

I know you're thinking he's perfect.  Trust me....he's not, but for me he is my perfect counterpart.  There could be none better.  My Valentine sent me flowers and attached was this note:

It was special and touched my heart in ways I cannot even begin to articulate.  To be this loved is a treasure, to be this chosen, simply humbling.

Today I must declare without question or thought, "I would choose YOU too!  Every day, all over again, EVERY time!  I LOVE YOU."

LOVE vs. Fear

Lately I have found myself wrestling with fear.  Fear for my daughter most often.  The world is big and it can be brutal, uncaring and harsh.  Her innocence is so unbelievably precious to me and simply every bad thing that can happen to her wants to consume my thoughts lately.  Now, I understand that hormones probably have a lot to do with this overwhelming awareness, but I have found myself constantly having to fight to stay out of the trap of fear.

Unfortunately, fear is a common thread in our society right now.  I think of all of the gun violence lately and how this has forever impacted every single person whether a victim or not.  I think of the gun battle that we have amongst the people of this nation and how, in an effort to subdue our fear, more and more of us have gone out to purchase guns.  While I am ultimately not opposed to gun ownership, I am opposed to gun ownership out of fear.  There is no amount of gun ownership in the world that will assuage the fear.  Human power over fear is an illusion and cannot be purchased or concealed.

Fear consumes us, makes us desperate, makes us think and act in irrational ways and ultimately binds us in a prison.  It hangs over us like a cloud and makes us look at the world around us as though it could consume us.  We see the negative before the positive, we take a kind gesture as an act of aggression, we see a stranger and think the worst, we pass by someone in need not wanting to get involved for fear of the what ifs.  Fear is a noose that slowly tightens around our lives until we want nothing more than to burrow into the ground with those we love most, seclude ourselves from everything fearful and gird ourselves with whatever weapons we believe give us the most sense of power.   Its happening all around us right now, and here is something eye opening to think about......... we are only perpetuating our fear.  There is no amount of self defense, gun ownership, or seclusion that will quell the fear. Simply put, fear is human, to not fear takes Divine power.

So what casts out fear?  What binds up fear and sends it packing? LOVE, God's love, His perfect unending love.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. ~ I John 4:18

In Christ there is no fear.  It's NON EXISTENT! His death broke that burden and there is simply nothing that fear can do to us that Christ's love has not conquered. Therefore fear is not of God.  If we have been made perfect in love through Christ, what have we to fear?  Nothing.

Now here is a tough question, if fear is a prison that Christ set us free from, why then do we seek to be rebound into slavery?  Fear has no place in our lives,  I say again, NO PLACE.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. ~ Galatians 5:1

I challenge you as I challenge myself to examine your life.  Are we making decisions in our lives based out of fear?  Are we dwelling on what terrifies us about this world instead of dwelling on things that are pure, lovely and righteous? Have we chosen a life of slavery, or are we going to choose a life of freedom?

Freedom is Christ, Christ is LOVE, and in LOVE there can be no fear.

I LOVE Running

Call me crazy, but I just love the sport of running.  If you would have told me that I was going to be a runner 15 years ago, I would have laughed, but since that time I have found true joy in it.  Sure some days are hard and others just the thought of running makes me want to cry, but I am eternally grateful that I fell in love with this sport.

Even though pregnant, I have still found enjoyment in it.  The enjoyment hasn't necessarily been physical, but the enormous sense of accomplishment that I get upon completing a run makes it all worth it.  I know, sounds crazy, but its true.

I love that running is free.  Sure you have to buy shoes and clothes, but not very often.  You can do it whenever, there are no "hours,"  you can do it wherever, its such a great way to explore, and you can do it in all weather.

There is a sense of solitude out on the road.  I rarely listen to music because the world around me really has a soundtrack of its own.  Running is a time of reflection, a time of prayer, a time of releasing frustrations, a time of me.  I think that's why I like it so much.  Out on the trail, no one is telling you what to do except you, and possibly your toddler.  It really is nice.

One of the things I love most about running is exploring new places.  I can remember when I went abroad to France, England and Taiwan.  I ran in each one of those countries and loved it.  Being down on the ground running in the towns, by the shops and in public places gives you a taste for a place.  I think one of my dream vacations would be to do a running tour across Italy or Scotland. How cool would it be to run the country, stop in a village to stay and commune with the locals, eat heartily then get back on the running tour the next day?  You may think me loony, I think it sounds fun!

It is simply adorable to watch Lily discover this sport her parents do all the time.  She loves my running hat and is just simply a doll.  She really loves it when we let her out a few feet from the car and let her run with us.  It's precious and just delights her.

Running is also a fantastic way to stay in shape.  It's awesome and so effective, especially when you push 75 pounds of jogger/toddler.  There really is no better all over fitness routine than strapping on your shoes, Vibrams are the best, and hitting the road.

I LOVE it, it's just that simple.

I LOVE my Evie

Last night I was laying in bed waiting for Bob to get home from a company event and I started praying.  I have a lot of things that I love, but wasn't sure what I was going to blog about next so I just talked to the Lord.  I got to talking about Evie and, as if I said her name audibly, she kicked me, swift and hard.  I smiled.  A few minutes later Bob came home and crawled into bed.  He snuggled in and put his hand on my tummy.  His hand was like an electrical current that sent Evie into an excited all out kicking frenzy.  I have never felt her so active.  We both sat there and laughed as she kicked over and over again.   I thought, okay Evie, I get it, you don't want to be left out and YES, I do love you.

Now that I am slowly starting to feel better, and not vomiting every day, I am getting that giddy excitement with the realization that we will have another precious little girl arriving in our lives.  Her activity inside of me makes it feel real and for the first time in a few months, I actually know that the nausea has all been worth it! Oh Evie I simply cannot wait to meet you!

When I discovered that I was pregnant I wrote that this little life inside of me represents hope.  I now feel that more than ever and last night I felt a Divine sense of it.  God is good, He is a God of joy, grace and immense love.  Bob and I are still simply overwhelmed that the Lord took our "slim to none" chances and turned them once again into a precious little lamb.

I LOVE my Evie!

I LOVE my Lily

February is the month of love.  Hearts are everywhere, jewelry commercials are mopey, romantic and convincingly lovely, pink and red cover the world and pretty flowers bring smiles all over.  It's a great month.  So as cliche as it may seem, I think I will spend this month talking about things I love.  

Where better to start then with Miss Lily Grace.  She really is so much fun right now and I am slowly, VERY SLOWLY, starting to feel a little bit better, so playing with her seems more probable.  She is busy all of the time, nothing new there, but it seems to have skyrocketed recently.  Constant motion is the name of the game.

We really never let her up on the bed so when I clean the sheets, I let her play on the bed and she LOVES it!

I keep a strict no jumping policy, and in true toddler fashion, the second I turn my back she jumps.  The best part is the little negotiator that we have budding along.  When I tell her we don't jump, she asks, "Lily crash?" Basically she jumps up once and falls on her tushy.  Technically not jumping, but super close.  Yeah, she is a smarty pants.

Unfortunately, we had a monkey crash the other day and Lily learned firsthand why monkeys do NOT jump on the bed.  What a hard lesson to learn.

Lily has become adorably outgoing and talks to everyone.  She is especially adorable with the family.

She simply LOVES her aunts, uncles and anyone Mom and Dad deem as a family member.  She is utterly precious and says her pleases and thank yous while giving snuggles and hugs.  I pray that she will be a woman of compassion and mercy.  So far I see it and it makes me smile.  What a sweet heart.

Every moment spent with her makes me smile. Sure some of those moments also have frustration intermixed, but every moment is precious.  There are several times a day where I wish I didn't have 18 more weeks before Evie comes, but then I realize that I only have 5 more months of just me and Lily.  I sure don't want to miss out on it.  I just LOVE her.