When Life is Hard

I have felt the pull to write this post for a while now, and have vacillated back and forth on its necessity.  I have always sought rawness and vulnerability here on this forum, but, are there times when delving into hard topics is not really necessary.....or prudent?  I suppose the answer is of course yes, and yet there are things I wish we could simply talk more openly about.  We have become so talented at shrouding hardness and hurt under the cloak of tired, busy, preoccupied and the like.  How I wish we could simply be more honest as humans.  Vulnerability is such a beautiful thing.

So I have decided, with Bob on board, to be a little vulnerable here.  I have come to this decision because in the past month I have encountered not one, but several couples in the throes of intense marital strife.  Amazing couples who they would say are "on the brink" whatever that might mean.  There is discord, dispassion, loneliness, anger, resentment, bitterness, judgment and brokenness.  I believe without doubt that I have been drawn to these couples because I too, Bob and I, have dealt in some of the same currency.  Life can be so hard, and this year has been challenging.

I thank God over and over and OVER that even in the midst of this challenging season, we still forever maintain an ability to self evaluate.  That if there is one thing we know its this........when something isn't working....its time to actually look inward and do something different.  That instead of pointing outwardly, its time to point inward.  And let me tell you.......its not very much fun.

Its dirty and messy.  There's baggage and stuff.  There's pride, and brokenness, and doubt.  Being willing to dig down deep has the potential to expose lots and lots of stuff.  With each layer of depth there comes realization, acceptance, and a dare to be better....there comes a dare to change.  Once you uncover all the ways and justifications you had for dying on your hill you realize that you must do something different.......that you must take action.   You intentionally lay down your shield, sheath your sword and come down off that hill.  You wave your white flag and walk towards your spouse with your arms actually open instead of raised in defense. You make changes and stop doing all the things that clouded your life and got you into this mess.   You halt the charge and jump off the freight train.

You cut out all the noise.......

Unending love is a still quiet voice that will speak loudly when allowed but is easily crowded out by the noise of everything else.  Love is equal parts stalwart and breakable.  It must be tended and guarded and if you want a marriage to span the test of time, you must listen. You must be tuned into it all the time, but the noise of life is LOUD.

Kids, jobs, kids, friends, kids, jobs, finances, kids, church, bible studies, running groups, races, play dates, coffee dates, nights out, family events, moves, activities, swim lessons, kids, budgeting, bill paying, kids, projects, to do lists, repairs, kids, travelling, photography, maintaining relationships, kids.......Even the thoughts that dwell in our mind can be too loud. LIFE IS SO NOISY!   It's relentless and that still quite voice that once seemed so clear becomes muffled and muted.  Listen to the noise long enough and you forget what love sounds like. You can forget all the reasons that love bloomed in the first place.

But.....

Like us, hope and healing comes when you make the choice to tune back in.  It takes practice and intentionality.  It takes  self sacrifice and laying down a lot of "want tos" for the sake of the "need tos."  Marriage is a lifetime of loving through seasons of all kinds, and like I tell my girls, love is a choice.  Its a verb and it requires action.

When life is hard, recognize the noise in your life and turn the volume down. Remember what that beautiful love song sounds like, turn it up, blare it in your life, and sing it at the top of your lungs.  The joy of marriage is Divine and something worth laying your life down for.  It's something worth fighting for.......not simply fighting with. Bob and I are grateful for a more challenging season of marriage because it is teaching us to amplify the love and ratchet down the noise.  It's teaching us about intentionality and speaking love in the right languages.  It's teaching us that when pulled and strained a cord of 3 will stretch, BUT is not easily broken. Having a foundation in Jesus makes all the difference.

As Thanksgiving approaches, I am grateful, thankful, humbled and renewed.  To anyone out there who resonates with this post be encouraged, be thankful.  Jesus loves you and your spouse.  Your relationship is purposeful and beautiful and worth it.