That text came at the right time though because I have had a heck of a disappointing 14 days when it comes to my training. When the Marquee Olympic TRI cancelled this year due to the draining of the Tempe Town Lake, I quickly transferred my registration to the Boulder Peak TRI in Colorado. It was perfect because I would be able to see my family and friends, get in a race and not skip a beat. I planned the entire trip down with all logistics, travel, hotel room etc. I couldn't wait to race again.
The girls and I pulled into CO on July 7th and I anxiously unpacked my parted out bike. I conquered a big fear by rebuilding the bike all by myself. I felt so proud and accomplished....ready to take on the world.
I had a great shakeout 3000 meter swim in the pool on Friday and then left the girls with Memaw and Papa, grabbed my girlfriend and headed up to Boulder to RACE! I rested on Saturday, ate clean, got all checked in, went through all my pre race strategy and got in bed early. About an hour after falling into blissful pre race sleep my watched buzzed. A Text. I groggily checked it to find that my husband had checked our email and my race was CANCELLED. At first I half thought it was a joke, a very cruel joke (and that is way out of his nature). I checked myself and discovered that due to a local forest fire and the resources needed to fight it, the Boulder County had demanded that the race be cancelled. As calm as I handled it (after all, what was there to do?) the disappointment at having come so far only to have my race cancelled was like an elephant sitting on my stomach. What. A. Bummer. Between the adrenaline.......the disappointment.......the sadness..........and the frustration my sleep that night was awful. I was ever so grateful to have my dearest friend Sarah there to help me weather the situation.
After a wretched nights sleep, we woke up, drove out to the lake to drop my timing chip off (and I think to REALLY confirm the cancellation) and then went back to the hotel. We decided to head out on a 6 mile run. Between the smoke in the air and the depth of disappointment I was still feeling the run was HARD. Really hard.
My heart rate was through the roof, I was nauseous, the high altitude plus disappointment was rough. I had to stop every mile to get my HR in check. I was so grateful to have a friend with me. Disappointment hit me harder than I thought it would. We had a nice morning in Boulder and then headed back to the city. I had a 1500 meter swim, a 24 mile bike and 6.2 mile run on the schedule that day, so when we got back I decided to go out on a long bike ride. The swim wasn't gonna happen, but the bike ride did. It was hard. Sunday was all hard. After my high experience at Dueces Wild.....this just felt like an enormous piece of "Can you really do this?" pie.
Monday was busy and I was able to get in a quick swim. I am thankful for swimming.
Tuesday after a glorious morning riding horses I went out to get my run in. 6 miles at 8000 feet. I did it, but it was hard. I couldn't do my workout as planned. I could barely run 12 min miles without blowing up my HR. I had to just let go of what I wanted it to be and embrace what it was. In the afternoon I had a photo shoot so I packed up my bike and took it to Golden. Golden is not overly bike friendly. I had a route....planned it and everything. After 4 road closures, a trail that wasn't a trail, 3 highway crossings, and getting lost twice I called it. Its not fun riding when you can't ride! Wednesday my family was so gracious to plan the evening around me getting to the gym for another swim session. We got to the gym, I checked in and headed to the pool only to discover that the swim team was hosting a meet and there was no lap swimming. Bummer. So I went and ate Mexican food instead.
I had to postpone my bike and run for Thursday to Friday because we drove from CO to AZ to get to a family wedding. Friday was its own version of a TRI. Bob and I rode for an hour, ran for 7 miles and I conquered my first solo open water swim. It was stressful, but at least I got it done. Saturday brought with it 3.5 hours on the bike. Our route got incredibly windy and it was really miserable for a large portion of it, but I got it done. Sunday brought with it 14 miles in Pinetop at altitude. It was hard. Just really hard.
None of my training has come easy over the last couple of weeks. Each day I kept telling myself that every day I doggedly fought through the high altitude and toughness was only making me stronger for my Half IRONMAN in 4 weeks. Even upon getting home I have battled exhaustion (after all photographing a wedding is hard work too!), altered workouts, slower paces and unexpected disappointment. This stuff is hard!
On this journey to IRONMAN there are high times where I am convinced I am IRONMAN and there are low times where I wonder, "Can I....REALLY?" The past few days have been an inner struggle of wondering. I am ever so grateful that although the training was hard that I was surrounded by incredible family who supported me and loved on my girls. They helped me remember what really was important and to enjoy the extra time that missed workouts brought me.
Disappointment is real and fierce, but it does make you stronger. Fighting to find your strong when it just hurts is what makes a man an IRONMAN.
and I will be one.........
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