Emotional Bandwidth

I am consistently amazed at how revealing this IRONMAN journey is, both athletically and personally.  Some people may believe that it is finishing the race that makes you an IRONMAN, but that would be wrong.  Its not the race day.....its the journey getting there.  You can't do what I am doing without learning a lot about yourself..... A LOT.

When I began this journey someone told me that I was going to learn more about myself than at any other point in time.  4 weeks into this and I am a full on believer.  Wanna learn how to handle your weaknesses?  Wanna know where your strengths are?  Wanna know where you waste your energy during the day?  Wanna know where your heart truly lies? Train for an IRONMAN.

My coach shared with our TRI club a piece of advice in our last newsletter that had been shared with her. "Don't waste energy being angry in the swim."  Too many this may seem like a, huh? But for those of us training and doing triathlons it hits straight home.  How true.   Anger is one of the most draining emotional battles you can wage.  Spending your energy on anger is really REALLY foolish....especially at the start of your race.

I have thought about this little quote for a few weeks now and have transformed it into my own personal life mantra:

Don't waste good energy on bad anger.

And it has been a game changer for me.......in every sense of the word.  I will admit.  I am a passionate person.  I am a perfectionist.  I have a temper.  Parenting has been the most humbling of experiences for me because it has laid bare this raw anger that I have inside of me.  Perfectionism and children do not mix.....EVER.  Whining?  Its like fingernails on a chalkboard.  Messes are like an itch I can't scratch.  I will admit, ashamedly, that in my 5.5 years as a mother I have yelled more than I should, I have spanked harder than I should, I have screamed and thrown things,  I have nearly injured myself pounding the floor in frustration, and I have said things I regret.  You could say very unequivocally that I have spent a boatload of energy on anger.

Bob said it best. More times than I care to admit he has come home from work to a very drained and frustrated wife.  I have exuded an exhausted and used up spirit.  Its certainly not the kind of wife I want to be.  He would always tell me, "Bethany, you have emotional bandwidth.  Every moment of the day uses it and there are days where you simply use it all up before the end of the day. I get it!"  He is so right........But you know what runs my bandwidth down faster than ANYTHING else?  Anger.  It literally sucks the energy and life from me.

Funny thing.......I simply don't have enough energy right now to waste it on anger.  Its been the most transformative revelation so far in this journey to my goal and guess what?  I am such a happier, healthier, whole-r being.  I am parenting with a lot more grace and a lot more peace.  I am learning to see when my anger is rising, my heart rate is escalating and I am headed towards an explosion.  I breathe, I walk away......I remember what matters.  Instead of yelling I get as quiet as possible.  If that doesn't work I remember that I have 2 hard workouts the next day and stop giving away my needed energy to anger.  Its no wonder I am running 7:30 pace miles.  Gosh I am so much happier.

This little mantra has had its place in every area of my life.  I don't waste good energy on politics or the news.  I don't waste good energy on problems I can't solve.  I don't waste good energy on financial stresses.   I don't waste good energy on comparison or self consciousness. I don't have the time...or the bandwidth for it.

I have literally been given a more joyful and lighthearted spirit by the pursuit of IRONMAN. Something far more valuable demands my bandwidth and I am eternally grateful for its presence in my life.