I have thought about how I want to blog about my time out on the range and actually feel my heart telling me to pen a letter to my girls about a few things my trip revealed to me. They may not read this for many years so for now you my family, friends and followers can.
To Lily and Evie,
Girls I want to tell you a really neat story. Its a story about finding confidence, purpose, and hope in the face of unexpected circumstances. You know how I talk about Grace, Sebron, Jancsi, Laughter, Hayva and Lariat. I know you don't know them really well, but Grace is one of my dearest and best friends. I know....I have a lot of friends, but Grace came into my life at a time when everything in my life was about to change. I was 7 months pregnant with you Lily, and had just moved across the country away from everything I knew. I needed a friend and one lovely day......Grace showed up. I instantly felt drawn to her when I found out that she was also pregnant with her first baby. Some day you will understand. Grace was my first new Mom friend. We had this crazy bond that neither of us quite understood, but it instantly drew us together. I thank God for that moment on a bridge around Lake Johnson.
Grace and Sebron LOVE ranching. They love agriculture and working the land. I can remember countless conversations listening to the deep seated dream of a ranch life. Their dream was so big because no one in their family owned a big ranch. For them to ever live their dream.......they were gonna have to take a big leap out of their comfort zone in Raleigh, NC. When the opportunity to move to a ranch in Texas opened up, through many tears (you see their families lived in NC), prayers and hope they decided to go. I have never been so proud of them.
You see girls, much like you, Grace and Sebron come from wonderful families with Mom's and Dad's that love them and want to be a part of their lives. Leaving the security of your family takes a level of guts and bravery especially as a young couple with a new little baby. When your Mom and Dad have always been the rock that you can cling to when life feels chaotic it is HARD to leave them. Trust me....I know. What makes it harder is that sometimes we parents have a hard time letting you go when the direction your journey is taking you is not the direction we had hoped for you. But your dreams are not ours, your relationships are not ours......your journey is not ours. And so we too let you go.
It has been 5 years of living out on a Texas range for Grace and Sebron. Even the hope of a fabulous ranch life has been tossed back and forth in the constant ocean of unexpected moves, job changes, new babies, and sickness. YET, they have weathered every storm, every change with a few tears, a lot of guts, a bastion of bravery and a constant hope in the Lord. Their dream has sometimes been a nightmare.....yet, they press on.
They recently had an opportunity arise that would allow them to move back home to NC and closer to their extended families that they miss so much. It was going to be a lot harder in someways and hopefully a lot easier in others. So they made the decision to move. Something started to stir in their spirits though. Something unexpected clouding the decision that seemed so sure. After all, the joy and support of moving back closer to family is like a balm on a weary soul. As their move ebbed closer and closer the still small voice that said to stay grew louder and louder and in an unexpected moment, they made the choice to stay......in Texas. Their families were devastated......after all, the hope of having them closer was so exciting. The process of wading through unexpected emotions, the fear of failure, the weight of disappointment and disappointed people has been hard for them. Man life just stinks sometimes.
As I listened to them talk and heard their hearts I simply was absolutely convinced of 3 very important life lessons that I want to write down and impart to you. I pray that they will serve you well as you leave our nest and pursue your life.
1. Your dreams and hopes matter. No, you won't get the perfect version of your dream, life is not a perfect place, but hold onto what drives you and motivates you. It will give you purpose even when things aren't going your way and you have disappointed others. Embrace the new turns in life. Sometimes the perfect dreams you have are nothing compared to the life God has for you. Accept new change and direction with courage and trust.
2. When and if you get married you are to leave me and your Daddy and cleave intensely to your spouse. We ALWAYS want to be a part of your life, but we are NOT your life. Your life is with your spouse and your children and your community. We have raised you to go boldly into the life in which Jesus has called you. If that life includes a spouse, he matters more. He always matters more. You absolutely will make decisions in your life that we as your parents may not completely agree with, you are you, you are your family. Make your decisions, go boldly, seek Jesus and know.....your Daddy and I are ALWAYS on your team.
3. Manage your expectations. Know that what seems amazing and perfect and fool proof is not always amazing, perfect and fool proof. Life isn't perfect. Even the most perfect of circumstances will come with a barrage of unexpected yuckiness and hardship. This is life. Finding contentment and peace in your space is a choice, not something dictated by your circumstances. I say again. Contentment and peace is a choice. Embrace opportunity with hope, but manage the expectation that it will work out perfectly....it won't. Everything you do in life, everything, will be fraught with obstacles. Accept it. The sooner you embrace your hardships, the faster you can deal with them and conquer them. Do this and your life will be filled with a whole lot more joy and a lot less frustration. Nothing in life is easy, but sometimes the hardest unexpected things in life are the most glorious, life giving, joy producing, empowering things. Expect the unexpected and you will find happy.
"Life is a storm my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight
one moment and be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man
is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into the storm and shout,
'Do your worst.....for I will do mine!'
Then the fates will know you as we know you.......the man."
~ Edmond Dantes from The Count of Monte Cristo
I love you so much girls and I pray that you will discover and find friendships like the one I have found with Grace. She is a special woman has taught me a lot about life. I am grateful for her and her family. She is a bold woman who is living bravely.
Be as bold and as daring.
All my love
Mom
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