My Girls

October is simply my favorite month in the fall!  I love how the leaves are changing and the city is just filled with colors and a constantly changing landscape.  Its beautiful.  This month has been especially awesome because we have gotten our first bout of snow!  We woke up to about 2 inches of wet snow and Lily was beside herself with glee.  Bob took her outside and helped her build her first snow man of the season.  When I woke up I was amazed!  It was nearly 5 feet tall and Lily was so happy.

Lily is growing up so fast these days and sometimes I have to remind myself that she is still little.   Somedays its like she is 2 going on 5.   In 2 weeks she will be 3.  SLOW DOWN TIME!

Evie got her first taste of horses the other day.  Memaw couldn't resist putting the tiny creature up on the pony and she was simply content in her spot.  I think it would be Memaws dream to have two grandgirls that loved horses.  We will see.

The most wonderful thing that happened this past week was that Lily asked Jesus into her heart.  It was so precious.  I know she is young, but Jesus is the most real and simple to the little ones.  We were talking about how Jesus lives in our house and I said, "Lily, do you know that Jesus can live in your heart? and when you are ready, Mommy can help you invite him in!"  She said, "Mommy, I want Jesus in my heart!"  So she said a little prayer after me and now she will tell you, Jesus is down in her heart!  Out of the mouth of babes.  Thank you Jesus for making your home in my little Lily's heart.

I am finding a deeper love for photography these days and just love when I can get my girls in a happy place for picture taking.  Lily is simply crazy and I just have to capture her in the middle of her playtime.  This is one of my favorites from our little photoshoot.  She's a raggamuffin.  But a cute one to be sure.

Miss Evie is a great picture target these days.  Since she doesn't move around to well and is so alert and loves being on her tummy, its perfect.  I have a posse of baby bows and just love her little expressions. She is simply so very precious right now.  She spends most of her time talking, squealing and giggling. In fact, the other night Lily was running around being silly and Evie was giggling at her.  It was so cute

Gosh I love my girls.

One Day

This past weekend was one of those special emotional times.  Chelsea and Michael came for a very brief visit on their way across the country to Phoenix.  Uncle Rob was there too and it was just wonderful to surround them with all of us Colorado family!

Michael is simply too precious for words.  My heart smiled so big when I saw him.  He looks a lot like his Daddy and I couldn't help but want to snuggle him up tight.

It was simply wonderful to see all of our kiddos together.  Its hard to have family all across the country and just awesome when we can find a brief time to get us together.  Thank Heavens for pictures.  At least we can keep us all together in one place long after we have all gone our separate directions.

I got to spend several moments talking to Chelsea, hearing her heart and listening to her pain.  I am amazed by her.  I loved hearing about her and Curtis, how they met, where they got married and everything else.  Their story is pretty cool.

The pain of loosing Curtis is real....still and in many ways it feels like it was yesterday.  Wrestling with the question "where do I go from here?" is truly an overwhelming conflict and one I wish I could answer for her.  I cannot relate to the pain Chelsea is feeling because no matter how much I sympathize, I cannot empathize.  To think I could would be arrogant, I have never lost so great.

Curtis' Urn. Bronze with a waterfall and eagle.  Breathtaking.

How do you make sense of such sorrow and loss?  Where is the justification for a little boy left without his Dad?  Or for a young wife left without her other half?  The answer is simple enough....there is none.  No justification or sense.  Its just part of his broken place we live our life in.  Praise the Lord the end is more glorious.  Thank the Lord sorrow and loss is not eternal.  Thank Heavens death has been defeated!

The darkness is always the darkest before the dawn and right now its awfully dark.  One day I know the pain will lessen,  I know the future will be bright again, and I know the clouds will lift and joy will come.  Perhaps not today, or tomorrow, or next week, but one day.....

He's Out on the River

This past weekend, Bob, the girls and I headed out to Farmersburg Iowa to celebrate the life of dear Grandpa Vern.  Bob's Grandpa passed away peacefully at the end of August and all of the family from across the states met this past weekend on the Mississippi to remember and say goodbye.  It was a special time and I am very glad that we made the effort to be there.  The river holds a special place in Bob's heart because it held a special place in his Grandpa's.  Bob used to spend weeks up on the river catching fish, having fish frys and swimming.  He loved his Grandpa a lot.  Can't say I blame him.

Grandpa Vern LOVED the river. He spent every moment he could on it whether it was 5 below zero or in the middle of the summer.  He was somewhat of a legend for his fish catching abilities.  I remember the first time that I met him.  It was Thanksgiving 10+ years ago.  Bob and Grandpa took me ice fishing.  Perhaps in someway Bob knew that if I went ice fishing, I was a girl worth keeping.

We trucked out to the middle of the ice and Grandpa cut the holes in the ice.  He sat not but 5 feet from me and we fished.  In the time it took Bob and I to catch 1 between the two of us Grandpa had literally filled his bucket.  I was convinced that his hole was the jackpot and with a smile he switched spots with me.  I sat there confident I was gonna bring in the load and he started pulling fish by the bucket full out of my hole.  It was unreal.  Talk to anyone, Vern Kuenster knew where the fish were.  Or maybe the fish just flocked to such a gentle, peaceful fisherman.

In the 11+ years that I have known Bob, I have been with Grandpa probably the same amount of times. He was always a quiet man but one you could look to for strength.  He was so generous and kind.  I remember him teaching me how to fish "First rule of the boat Bethany, know where Grandpa is at all times!" I remember him saying.  He put worms on my hook, took the fish I caught off of the hook, detangled lines and retied hooks when my fishing skills caught logs instead of fish.  He was a master of the fish fry and blueberry pancakes were his morning specialty.  I won't forget him.

All of the family was able to traverse out to a small quiet cove of the river and individually say goodbye to this special man.

His ashes were spread on the river, where they should be.  After all, its where he loved to be the most.  What a tribute.

Lily, Evie and her cousins were such good kids.  Lily loved the boat and being out on the water.  I simply cannot say enough about my little Lily Grace.  She was adorable and so loving on this trip.  She is still young, but somehow she knew that this trip was about comfort.  She kept on telling Great Grandma "I love you," "I missed you" "So good to see you."  She just made our hearts melt.

Evie was only too happy to cuddle with whoever wanted to snuggle her be it Great Grandma, Aunt Linda, Cousin Chelsea or any of the other family.  Sleep was somewhat hit or miss for her, but she was a cutie none the less.

The weekend was short and busy, but we did manage to get a 20 mile run in and we just happened to run into some old Arizona friends in the Chicago airport.

What fun it was to have an "its a small world" moment in the terminal.

Grandpa Vern will be very missed.  The river just won't be the same without him.  As we drive across the grand Mississippi on our way to Great Grandma's house though, I will always smile knowing that he's where he should be...... out on the river.

How Fast 4 Months Fly

YA, she's cute.  There are just no two ways around it.  Little Miss Evie Bee is a big pile of cuteness and wonderfulness wrapped up in blue eyes and fuzzy hair. 

At 4 months this little girl is bursting with life in the form of giggles, smiles and an incessant need to kick, move and squirm all over the place.  She is going places and we are all on for the ride.  This past month has been such a change month for our little Bee.  She has gone from tiny infant to baby ready to go.  She is constantly wanting to see her world and simply hates it when she can't see out!  Look her in the eyes and she will "talk" with you for hours.  Sing to her and her face literally erupts with joy.  I simply cannot tell you the delight this little girl gives me.

Evie has started the process of rolling over this past month.  It is still a surprising accident when she happens to start on her tummy and arrive on her back, but she is getting more consistent with it and I am sure very soon we will have a rolypoly on our hands.  I am very glad of this because the little Bee has efficiently rubbed herself a bald spot.  To be honest she is going fairly bald all over these days (compared to the hair she had upon earth entry), except for the hair around her neck.   She's still cute as a button though even if she's rockin' the uneven style.

Much like her sister, Evie has become a wonderful running partner these days.  The jogger is simply the best sleep medicine out there and, for Evie, she will sleep as long as I will push.  I am very glad of this because the jogger is really the only time where she can get an uninterrupted morning nap.  Unlike when it was just Lily, there is no way I can guarantee a peaceful, "in your crib" am snooze with a toddler who desperately needs to de-energize.  Nope, Evie is starting to master the nap on the go system!  

She has been spending a lot more time on the floor these days because she is in such a tizzy to kick and MOVE!  So Lily has been making it her mission to introduce Evie to Max, Misty and the entire barn crew while letting her "hold" her most precious Minnie and Mickey.  Trust me, its HUGE!  Those little mice go everywhere with Lily so its a big sign of love to let Evie hold them.  Evie is simply mesmerized with this motion we call her sister.  She is always content to sit and watch her.  She's just so entertaining!

 Uncle Mike was here for a few days and Evie was a great snuggler for him.  He is convinced that babies hate him, but Evie is bound to prove him wrong.  I think she even gave him a few of her winning smiles too.  Baby curse BROKEN!

 The big news of the month is that we had an allergy scare.  Our little bee has a Cocoa allergy.  I discovered this when she broke out in hives after I used Cocoa butter creme on her little dry body.  Evie is fairly sensitive to chocolate if I eat any big amount.  This should have triggered me to be more cautious with cocoa, but I didn't even give it a thought.  Poor thing.  Seeing hives on your baby's back is not the most wonderful of feelings.  I really think the entire incident was far harder on me than her.  She got some medicine and bounced back, unlike me who still feels bad.  Its like they say, parenting is WAY harder on the parents than the kids.  TRUE STORY!

 As Evie becomes more interactive and engaged,  I see this cute little relationship between she and her Daddy emerging.  Unfortunately, Evie is not sleeping well at all between 1AM and 6AM so usually Bob and Evie have special togetherness time while I catch a few uninterrupted ZZZZs in the morning.  He is such a good Daddy and he just loves his little Bee.

Even though I still love pictures and take them as often as I can, inevitably the second child slump has set in.  I have to consciously put my camera out where I can see it and daily remind myself "stop, capture the moment, your to do list can wait and the toddler screaming for more juice can wait too."  I will think I am taking consistent pictures and then a week will go by and I won't have 1. YIKES!  Evie is changing faster than I remember Lily changing and I just want every moment to last a bit longer!

Dear little Bee, I am just so happy that Jesus gave us you.  You make me smile and remind me just how beautiful life really is.  There is simply nothing as delighting as watching you find your fingers or mine.  I love when my hand gets all slobbery because your tongue is out exploring your world.  You are beautiful and such a little ball of hope.  There is nothing I would change about you cause you are a perfect version of you. 

 Even when you are sad, you bring sunshine to my days.  I love how you hold my hand when I nurse you and smile at me when you are done.  I love how you gurgle and blow bubbles, I love how you sing.  You are a piece of my heart and I love you more than life!

Mom