Why is Peace so fleeting?

This is a question that I have really been pondering lately. Why is that inner peace, the ability to rest in the moment, so hard, so seemingly unattainable? Life just keeps coming and instead of rolling with the punches and clinging to the Peace that passes all understanding, I find myself restless, irritable and stressed to the max. Paul talks about having a "thorn" in his flesh, a weakness. For me, that thorn can be summed up in one word, contentment. Such a simple word to say, such a hard word to emulate.


There is so much good in our lives right now and as Bob always reminds me, "we have good problems." So there is a part of me that wants to say "buck up sissy pants" considering that my struggles really are minor in the grand scheme, but still I find myself anxious, discontent and unsettled. What a sinner I am.

There is some stress around Bob's job and with this also comes the uncertainty of our living situation. Doing life with Grace and Sebron has been wonderful, but as we approach our lease expiration we are all wondering if the Lord is going to continue merging our paths or send our families in different directions. The ominous thought of moving again is a looming stress point to say the least. Craigslist and Goodwill are full of items I have deemed no longer movable. There is also the question of where. The decisions seem so big.

Adding to this is another marathon and the exhausting miles and miles and miles of running, the loss of our big buddy Rocky, a mysterious lump on Lily's leg that seems benign but is very unsettling, and the roller coaster of emotions that parenthood seems bent on keeping me on. Yes, peace is most certainly fleeting at the moment.

Funny enough though is that I find my inability to be peaceful stressful. No kidding, my stress is making me stressed. Just in the past 24 hours I have had this epiphany and realized that it really is as silly as it sounds. I have also had the realization that peace is a choice, a day in day out, moment in moment out, second in second out choice. It's a choice to give to the Lord the stresses, anxiety and worry that bind us.

Christ came to set us free, and we are free indeed, yet my simplemindedness prefers to live all chained up in the mire of my own life. This realization has made one thing very clear.........I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE THAT WAY. I have managed to get myself all bound up again in the chains of this life and publicly admit that this is NOT where I want to be. Not even close.


Today I am breakin' free. Bob's job sress is a chain I no longer want to carry, our living situation is a chain I no longer want to bear. Worry over little Lily's leg will no longer be my weight, and guilt about a furry friend that got less than he should have will no longer bind me. I am claiming the power of the Cross to set me free from the bondage of fear, uncertainty and worry into the freedom of peace, life, joy and hope.

Christ has set me free............I will be free.