It is no secret that in our house we LOVE technology and electronics. I am eternally grateful for Elmo, Daniel Tiger, Sofia the First, and Walt Disney. Those companions are how I survived the baby and toddler years. Elena of Avalor, Star Wars, Lego Movies, Spirit, Wild Kratts, and Walt Disney have no doubt contributed and still contribute to my parental success in the toddler to big kid years. Guys, we Longmires LOVE the whole start-anywhere-no-commercials-on-demand-babysit-the-children-so-we-can-think-and-not-drink technology. Praise the Lord we live in this modern age!
I say all of this so that you know this post is without judgement......
Over the past 3 years or so we have gradually given our girls more and more access to technology. They each have their own IPads, they know how to operate Netflix, YouTube, and Google, and our phones have games on them. Immediate entertainment that keeps them quiet, not fighting, not whining, and happy is always so close. And lets face it, defaulting to technology is just EASIER.
Its easier than navigating their boredom, its easier than forcing them to do something else, its easier than having to clean creative messes, its easier than playdates and park visits. Moment of truth, its way easier than parenting! The car is quieter, appointments less frustrating, events are less interrupted, and down time is ACTUALLY downtime because you know where your kids are. If they are whining........Ipad.......if they are fighting.........Ipad............if you are tired and want to rest........Ipad..........if you just want to make dinner in peace........Ipad..........if it Saturday and you don't want to do anything..........Ipad........done adulting?.......Ipad. Its just stupidly easier.
We, of course, always justified all of the Ipad time with the famous, "Oh, but they have educational games and stuff on their Ipads.......they are getting smarter." We're idiots.
Sure, that stuff is on there, but did we really think they are gonna practice math when they can doodle on Barbie's nails? Did we believe that they are going to read an educational book or play a letter game when they can build a Mongoose smoothie on a Critter Island, or fly an Xwing through Star Wars? Point is..........kids are kids. If you think they will choose education over mind numbing entertainment, than you must not have FACEBOOK, or REDDIT. Kids are smart, and ours are ridiculously so. Plus.....they are human like us.
So we were living in denial about all of the wisdom that our hours of IPad time were imparting to our girls when Evie got her first sight word list. Its a list with 10 words on it. Kindergartners have to be able to notice sight words so in our school she gets lists that she must learn and then she has to tell the teacher. There are 10 lists to get through......and here we had the first.
We worked for 2 weeks with her. Evie couldn't focus, she couldn't come up with sounds, she couldn't remember what we just told her, everything distracted her, and we watched her struggle with this heavy inability to focus on the simple black and white words. I know, I know, shes 5, shes little, shes a kid, homework sucks, life is hard, I don't wanna........ya, I get it, but life IS hard, and you have to do hard things (talking to you.....pointing at me). I digress.........but this was different. My cool-as-a-cucumber-thank-God-I-have-him-to-do-homework-with-my-girls-so-I-don't-strangle-them husband was so unable to work with her that he had to go play golf to manage his frustration. We instantly said words like, "Evie needs help", "maybe she needs a tutor", "this isn't normal could it be ADHD?", "maybe she has a learning disability." It was frighteningly bad.
We had a conference with Evie's Teacher. She wasn't immediately concerned, but she did mention that Evie had a hard time focusing and staying on task. Again, shes 5.5, I get it, but mother's know and clearly we needed to start changing something. After that I started really thinking about how often we let Evie default to technology and guys, I am embarrassed. I was getting asked to watch the Ipad up to 10 times a day and I will admit it, if I was graded off how many times I said yes, I would be a straight A student. Again......ITS JUST EASIER!
So there it was. Some call it a catalyst, some an epiphany, I call it a smack upside the face. I was convicted and humbled. My girls were addicted to technology and the strain called Ipad. So I decided right then and there to have a little discussion with myself. No more Bethany. You are a Mother.....you don't get to cop out and take the easy road anymore. I get you don't like to play dolls, I get that you want to read your books and not princess books for the upteenth time, I get that forts are messy, and painting is messy, and water play is messy, I get that things break when kids come over, and sitting at a park when you could be doing laundry is annoying, I get that watching movies all day on a Saturday sounds nice......I get it, but defaulting to the Ipad all of the time is hurting your child WAY more in the short and the long term than your supposed loss of self. Time to face the cold hard truth, parenting isn't about you.
With renewed fervor I made the dramatic and harsh decision to take the Ipads, allow the batteries to die, and store them away in my dresser about 6 weeks ago. Cold turkey. And man the first 3 weeks were a bitch. No other way to say it. I was hit square in the face how addicted and reliant both of my girls and WE had become on the things. It was like fear factor.......
Oh no, she's looking at me.....with nothing to do......what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?
First few days I got yelled at, A LOT. Oh there were tears, and anger, and fighting......oh the fighting. I took home the "You're the worst Mom EVER!" award for a week straight. To bad I don't have a trophy mantel.
After the first week, I was even more convinced of the necessity of a technology cleanse. We didn't watch TV, we didn't take Ipads in the car, we just didn't. For three weeks we purged and went through every level and feeling of withdrawl. We were all addicted and we were experiencing the cleansing flood of relationship! WOWZA!
And then it all came together.......Evie did her first word list. She got her second and could do them within 2 weeks. She got her third, and couldn't wait to learn them. Her fourth........her FIFTH. She is more focused and able because she is relearning HOW. Even the teacher has noticed how quickly Evie's ability to focus and remember sounds and letters has skyrocketed.
Both girls take books on car rides, and we play guessing games. Yes, we still watch TV. Even right now my girls are watching a Lego Show. But its one 22 minute show, and then we are going to the dog park. They are cool. They don't ask me all the time, and they never ask for the IPads.
They NEVER get to watch TV if they are "bored." Be creative.......is my new mantra. They never get to watch TV if they are fighting. Duke it out......no more running. They listen to Adventures in Odyssey and spend much of their time reading and playing. Its beautiful.
We have entered this new understanding in our household that technology is powerful, and purposeful and absolutely a part of life and living, but it demands respect and can steal far more from us than it can give. Its a tool, not a default. Its a treat, not a staple.
And for us, it has been life changing, and life giving. For our family, the choice to remove them completely for now has been the answer to the concerns we were facing and I am grateful that I and we stepped bravely into this decision.
I needed this!!
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