Phoenix Marathon 2019

I'm so proud of this guy.  Not only for running a half marathon, but for stopping at Starbucks before the race.  My transformation is nearly complete!

The Phoenix Marathon is simply one of the best local races.  Its such a fun event, and its right out our back door.  Bob has run one of the distances every year for the past 4 years, and this year was no different.  I, of course, am no where near a half marathon place right now, but I am so proud of him for staying committed to running it!

Grandma Jill was in town for the weekend of the race so we sent Bob to the start line with our local running club, and the 4 of us girls headed down to the finish.

All I can say about the man's race is that he is a freaking machine.  With relatively few training runs the guy goes out and runs a 1:38 time with near timing precision.  For 13 miles, and without a watch, the guy stayed at a 7:40 pace almost on the dot.   I mean, the guy is athletic.  Lordy.  We had anticipated him getting to the finish around 8:15, so when we pulled into our spot at 8:05 we started unwrapping snacks, checking phones, and not paying attention to the runners, when Evie screams, "That's Daddy!!!" 

Sure enough we all looked up to see his back crossing the finish line.  He flew.......and he will tell you.....he wasn't even flapping his wings very hard!  I mean look at the guy's smile.  That should tell you all you need to know.  The man is a machine. 

Another half marathon is in the books for Bob and I am so proud of him.  What a race.

To IPad or Not To IPad

Alright, first things first, I am not a perfect Mom.  I know, Shocker.  Not only am I not a perfect Mom, but I make mistakes......all of the time.......and a lot of them. Parenthood is a trip, and I am sure that something Bob and I do or don't do will no doubt be the subject of some later in life therapy for our girls.  I'm human, Bob's human, and we are just here, livin' on a prayer. (You know you want to sing the song......)

It is no secret that in our house we LOVE technology and electronics.  I am eternally grateful for Elmo, Daniel Tiger, Sofia the First, and Walt Disney. Those companions are  how I survived the baby and toddler years. Elena of Avalor, Star Wars, Lego Movies, Spirit, Wild Kratts, and Walt Disney have no doubt contributed and still contribute to my parental success in the toddler to big kid years.  Guys, we Longmires LOVE the whole start-anywhere-no-commercials-on-demand-babysit-the-children-so-we-can-think-and-not-drink technology. Praise the Lord we live in this modern age!

I say all of this so that you know this post is without judgement......

Over the past 3 years or so we have gradually given our girls more and more access to technology.  They each have their own IPads, they know how to operate Netflix, YouTube, and Google, and our phones have games on them.  Immediate entertainment that keeps them quiet, not fighting, not whining, and happy is always so close.  And lets face it, defaulting to technology is just EASIER.

Its easier than navigating their boredom, its easier than forcing them to do something else, its easier than having to clean creative messes, its easier than playdates and park visits.  Moment of truth, its way easier than parenting! The car is quieter, appointments less frustrating, events are less interrupted, and down time is ACTUALLY downtime because you know where your kids are.  If they are whining........Ipad.......if they are fighting.........Ipad............if you are tired and want to rest........Ipad..........if you just want to make dinner in peace........Ipad..........if it Saturday and you don't want to do anything..........Ipad........done adulting?.......Ipad.     Its just stupidly easier.

We, of course, always justified all of the Ipad time with the famous, "Oh, but they have educational games and stuff on their Ipads.......they are getting smarter."  We're idiots.

Sure, that stuff is on there, but did we really think they are gonna practice math when they can doodle on Barbie's nails?  Did we believe that they are going to read an educational book or play a letter game when they can build a Mongoose smoothie on a Critter Island, or fly an Xwing through Star Wars?  Point is..........kids are kids. If you think they will choose education over mind numbing entertainment, than you must not have FACEBOOK, or REDDIT.  Kids are smart, and ours are ridiculously so.  Plus.....they are human like us.

So we were living in denial about all of the wisdom that our hours of IPad time were imparting to our girls when Evie got her first sight word list.  Its a list with 10 words on it. Kindergartners have to be able to notice sight words so in our school she gets lists that she must learn and then she has to tell the teacher.  There are 10 lists to get through......and here we had the first.

We worked for 2 weeks with her. Evie couldn't focus, she couldn't come up with sounds, she couldn't remember what we just told her, everything distracted her, and we  watched her struggle with this heavy inability to focus on the simple black and white words.  I know, I know, shes 5, shes little, shes a kid, homework sucks, life is hard, I don't wanna........ya, I get it, but life IS hard, and you have to do hard things (talking to you.....pointing at me).  I digress.........but this was different.  My cool-as-a-cucumber-thank-God-I-have-him-to-do-homework-with-my-girls-so-I-don't-strangle-them husband was so unable to work with her that he had to go play golf to manage his frustration.  We instantly said words like, "Evie needs help", "maybe she needs a tutor", "this isn't normal could it be ADHD?", "maybe she has a learning disability." It was frighteningly bad.

We had a conference with Evie's Teacher.  She wasn't immediately concerned, but she did mention that Evie had a hard time focusing and staying on task.  Again, shes 5.5, I get it, but mother's know and clearly we needed to start changing something. After that I started really thinking about how often we let Evie default to technology and guys, I am embarrassed.  I was getting asked to watch the Ipad up to 10 times a day and I will admit it, if I was graded off how many times I said yes, I would be a straight A student.  Again......ITS JUST EASIER!

So there it was. Some call it a catalyst, some an epiphany, I call it a smack upside the face.  I was convicted and humbled.  My girls were addicted to technology and the strain called Ipad. So I decided right then and there to have a little discussion with myself. No more Bethany.  You are a Mother.....you don't get to cop out and take the easy road anymore.  I get you don't like to play dolls, I get that you want to read your books and not princess books for the upteenth time, I get that forts are messy, and painting is messy, and water play is messy, I get that things break when kids come over, and sitting at a park when you could be doing laundry is annoying, I get that watching movies all day on a Saturday sounds nice......I get it, but defaulting to the Ipad all of the time is hurting your child WAY more in the short and the long term than your supposed loss of self.  Time to face the cold hard truth, parenting isn't about you.

With renewed fervor I made the dramatic and harsh decision to take the Ipads, allow the batteries to die, and store them away in my dresser about 6 weeks ago.  Cold turkey.  And man the first 3 weeks were a bitch.  No other way to say it.  I was hit square in the face how addicted and reliant both of my girls and WE had become on the things. It was like fear factor.......

Oh no, she's looking at me.....with nothing to do......what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?

First few days I got yelled at, A LOT.  Oh there were tears, and anger, and fighting......oh the fighting.  I took home the "You're the worst Mom EVER!" award for a week straight. To bad I don't have a trophy mantel.

After the first week, I was even more convinced of the necessity of a technology cleanse.  We didn't watch TV, we didn't take Ipads in the car, we just didn't.  For three weeks we purged and went through every level and feeling of withdrawl.  We were all addicted and we were experiencing the cleansing flood of relationship!  WOWZA!

All of a sudden though, our creative juices started to flow. Imagination started to bloom, and I was getting the question I determined to say no to less. The girls played outside more, Lily started to read books to her sister when they were bored.  I started to find games on my table, and markers open in coloring books.  There began to be forts everywhere, and chalk roads out on the patio.  We found a dog park, and had more playdates. We baked cookies, and talked about Bible stories.  They played, and imagined, and used their brains and through it all we began find something we didn't even realize we had lost.

And then it all came together.......Evie did her first word list.  She got her second and could do them within 2 weeks.  She got her third, and couldn't wait to learn them.  Her fourth........her FIFTH.  She is more focused and able because she is relearning HOW. Even the teacher has noticed how quickly Evie's ability to focus and remember sounds and letters has skyrocketed.

Both girls take books on car rides, and we play guessing games.  Yes, we still watch TV.  Even right now my girls are watching a Lego Show.  But its one 22 minute show, and then we are going to the dog park.  They are cool.  They don't ask me all the time, and they never ask for the IPads.

They NEVER get to watch TV if they are "bored." Be creative.......is my new mantra.  They never get to watch TV if they are fighting.  Duke it out......no more running.  They listen to Adventures in Odyssey and spend much of their time reading and playing. Its beautiful.

We have entered this new understanding in our household that technology is powerful, and purposeful and absolutely a part of life and living, but it demands respect and can steal far more from us than it can give.  Its a tool, not a default.  Its a treat, not a staple.

And for us, it has been life changing, and life giving.  For our family, the choice to remove them completely for now has been the answer to the concerns we were facing and I am grateful that I and we stepped bravely into this decision.

Motherhood is HARD, and for those Mothers out there reading this, I see you, I am you.  Be you bravely and lead your family with courage.  Be bold and courageous and DO NOT BE AFRAID, and lets all say a big thank you to the technology that keeps us from losing our minds. May we know it, may we use it, and may we know when to IPad and When Not To IPad.

An Odysea Wedding

A couple of weeks ago, we got to take part in a special event.  Our sweet family friends Ashley and Taylor remarried each other at the Odysea Aquarium.  To really know how special this was for all of us in attendance you have to know a few things.  Ashley is battling stage 4 terminal cancer.  She was given 6 months to live in June of 2017.  She is here today fighting the fight, trusting in the Jesus who loves her, and living her best life.  

And she is celebrating her 10 year anniversary with Taylor.  Lets Party!

Since this family has come into our lives we have been blessed over and over.  From becoming dear friends, to becoming family as Godparents, they truly are a gift that keeps on giving to us.

For this special event, Ashley asked me to do her hair before she and Taylor headed to the Aquarium.  As lifetime members, they had a lovely day and wedding gifted to them by the Aquarium.  I got her hair all done and sent them off.

All of us headed down to the festivities after school and both of my girls were so excited.  They LOVE weddings, and the chance to go to the aquarium, get dressed up, go behind the scenes, and attend a wedding.....all with some of their closest friends?  WINNING! ( We were asked numerous times when we were getting remarried......and if we could do it on a beach.)

What a special group of people, what a special wedding party, what a special day, and how amazing that the photographer fit us all on this green screen!

As part of the wedding festivities, all of us got a behind the scenes tour of the shark exhibit that Taylor and Ashley were to get married in front of.  The aquarium worker took us in 2 separate groups to go past the curtain and into the areas you don't get to see.

What a cool experience and such a fun way for all of us to feel special.  Memories were made!

After our tour, we all got to experience the private Investor's room to change and get ready in.  Imagine a gorgeous private floor to ceiling aquarium, comfy couches, dressing area, and aquatic luxury.  I won't lie, this was my favorite room.  It was peaceful and just beautiful.  What a treat!

Once dressed we headed into the Voyager for the wedding ceremony.  God is so good, and His presence in all of our lives is so rich.  This group of women has become so special to me.  Not only are we family but we have become close through weekly Bible Study and prayer.  God has knit us together, and its a beautiful thing.



The setting for their vows was beautiful. Steve was the officiant, and the kids all ran around the room playing up until the music started.

This moment right here.....is one I will not soon forget.  It was intimate and special in ways I don't quite have words for.  To see Ashley, still here, fighting and living, held up by the man who has never left her and her children who adore her.  I count it a great privilege to have been sitting in the seat.

After a brief and perfect ceremony we all headed to the intimate reception complete with cake, champagne, cookies, and coffee.  It was perfect. (Evie was having a moment.......our life).

Ashley and Taylor have been through hell and back.  They have walked through fire and have many more fires to walk through, but the joy and love shared between them is real, and special, and beautiful.  Its SO worth celebrating, and celebrate we DID!

Here's to many, many, many more adventures shared with these beautiful people we now call family and to life that is SO worth living!

No Where to Go but UP!

Alright, I think I am ready to talk about this foot again.  So many great lessons are being learned here in this place of rest, recovery, and healing.  I am ready to talk about this foot because finally, FINALLY we are on the right path and my foot is getting BETTER.

I will not lie to you, this has been quite possibly the most disheartening, frustrating, and maddening thing to have to deal with.  Why?  Because its "nothing."  Because I have dealt with debilitating pain for months and "nothing is wrong" with my foot.  You see when you have a diagnosis, you have a course of action to take.  When you have no idea what the problem is, how do you know which direction to take?  For MONTHS I have been doing stuff hoping it would help, but nothing brought me anywhere closer to getting better.  Oh has it been dark and has been especially dark when 3 top specialists have no idea whats wrong.

I know what you are thinking.  HUH?  What? 

Here's what we know....... 

Your feet are incredibly intricate. 

You can damage the intricate tissue of your foot and toes and have nothing show up on tests. 

Your muscle, connective tissue, fascia, and toe bones are interconnected and must all work together.

Your feet connect your whole body. 

Your Big toe is CRITICAL for your body function, hurt it, sprain it, pull its muscles too far, and everything falls apart.

Futhermore....

If you strain, sprain, pull, push, or otherwise injure your big toe have it checked and scanned immediately....don't take it lightly.

If there are no breaks stop ALL activity and go to a PT.

Don't spend months messing around with immobility and limping.

DON'T ever think that you can run your way out of big toe sprain.

Big toes take MONTHS to fully heal and the process is SLOW, Painfully SLOW with many setbacks.

So last time I left you I had just gotten the news that nothing was wrong.  After a lot of talking, listening, and researching, I decided to do the cortisone injection to the big toe joint.  While the injection hurt like a bad word, the relief was near immediate. Unfortunately, following the cast and the months of limping, I began to have severe neuropathy pain in the ball and other met heads of my toes.  The word metatarsalgia has  been used. So while the toe was much better, the nerve and swelling pain in the rest of my other foot grew to be excruciating.  The pain in the ball of the foot is directly related to my immobility and foot position in the cast and months of limping.  Remember, your feet are connected to your whole body function.  They are intricate and designed to move and bear weight in the correct way.  Stop, impede, and immobilize that function, problems arise.  

I was so discouraged.  I felt like I just traded problems.  The sharp, twingy, pressure, and aching pain in the ball of my foot has been crippling.  Can't walk, can't bear weight, swimming was a little uncomfortable, yoga nearly impossible.  Everything stopped.  AGAIN, I felt lost in it.

The power of the mind is now the deciding force in whether or not I am going to find my way back to square one.  I have to start believing I am going to be better I have to start claiming it and making daily choices towards its strengthening and mobility. 

But Bethany, what IS going to make it better?

Wearing shoes all the time, TIME, Physical Therapy, TIME, fascia massage, TIME, rest, TIME, more Physical Therapy, TIME.  You get the picture. I have every supplement, ointment, massage oil, and rub and am using them all.

I even tackled a 4 day anti-inflammatory juice fast!  I'm doing it all!

And its working......slowly.  Ask me today and I will tell you that in the past 3 weeks of doing consistent PT, fascia release specific foot massage, supplements, rest, rubs, and meditation my foot feels 20% better.  Its better, its moving forward.......somewhere off in the distance is the end to all of this and the return to all I love.

In fact, I have been so encouraged, that I have a skii date planned for Spring Break, and a 5k race with my girls slated for the end of March. Whether I walk or run it is still in question, but I can currently walk with LESS pain, and I remain confident that there is no where to go but UP! 

Err on the Side of Grace

Dear Lily,

Kiddo, I love you.  You are growing up into such a wonderfully fun, smart, and kind young woman.  It is such a joy to watch you grow, fall in love with Jesus, and be a light in this big world.  You are special. 

Sweet Lily, life is full of so many lessons isn't it?  Even as your Mom I still find myself learning lessons all of the time.  One of the greatest lessons that I am learning is to always err on the side of grace.  Love always wins.  Love will always drive out darkness, and if you want to teach an impactful lesson? Better start with love.

We have been through a tough 6 months.  After our house flooded, we spent a lot of time waiting, and hoping for our life to be restored.  We got your bathroom all finished and everything was done. For the past month we have been restored.  Then for whatever reason, the other night, you carved some pictures into the brand new finished vanity. 

You knew you had done something very wrong because you immediately came to me and told me.  You were honest, you were repentant.  Girl.......your integrity was AMAZING.

When I saw what had happened I was so internally angry.  It took me about a minute of wrestling with the reality of having the brand new vanity scratched and a daughter who had no explanation why to calm down and remember that LOVE always wins.  I won't lie, honey, it was hard for me to not be selfish and angry about that vanity.  It was expensive and took us so long to get it installed and finished.  BUT, stuff doesn't matter......you do.

I am so happy that you and I were able to have a wonderful conversation about sin, selfishness, and poor choices.  Sin is our default girly.  It will always be, and that is why we need a Savior.  I am SO PROUD of you for not hiding, or trying to cover your sin.  You came to me, you spoke honestly, and you accepted your consequences.

It was a learning experience for Mom too.  Figuring out the right consequences is hard and its so important for the consequences to be a teaching moment. Its important for me to instruct your heart, not just discipline your spirit.

So I had you write your Dad a 2 page letter apologizing and talking about ways to fix the vanity.  It was a lesson and discipline in letter writing, problem solving, spelling practice, and time.

And I hope that you remember it.

You are special Lily Grace, and life will be full of times where the pull of sin will be great.  But the Holy Spirit that resides in you will always be your compass. Make sure you stay tuned into it.  When you make poor choices, admit them, seek forgiveness, and do what is necessary to make it right.  LOVE always wins little girl and I am glad that you and me both got an opportunity to practice it.

Love
Mom