Its Why the Leaves Fall

As a kid I just don't know if there is anything more fun, anything more glorious than running full bore into a big pile of fallen yellow leaves.  An activity so simple and yet so unbelievably fun.  Both girls have been having a ball over the past week playing in the daily covering of leaves that Bob has to rake up.  I giggle because Evie is not completely into it like Lily, but content to watch and observe and have the occasional moment in the pile.  

Last year I captured some of these same pictures only Lily was in her Minnie Mouse costume that never left her body during the month of October.  This year is no different except we have traded in Minnie's polka dots for the blue snowflakes of Elsa.  I love her spirit.  She loves to play, dresses and all!

This fall Evie is all about babies and wants to push this little stroller everywhere.  It is practically a permanent fixture on her arm and no leaf raking session would have been complete without it.

I love my girls and I love watching them play.  The fun, and joy and discovery on their faces is contagious and special.  The leaves delight them.

.....and there is just no better reason than that for why the leaves fall.

Journey to IRONMAN: Worst Run Ever

Alright, for all of you out there that are convinced I am some sort of invincible running machine, without seeming limits or flaws, this blog is for you.

It is not a new fact that there are simply days where you have it and days when you don't.  Life is full of variables, circumstances and unavoidable changes.  I get it, but there are those days.  Those epic days where all of your training, work and commitment can't win against various forces and you just TANK.  Fully and completely.

That was my yesterday.  I have never had a run so poor, so discouraging and so demoralizing.  Frankly, it was flat out humiliating.  Perhaps that is what I have needed lately, a nice slice of humble pie, to remind myself unequivocally that no matter how many miles I run, laps I swim or mountains I cycle, I am still just a human, and subject to physical limits.  These endurance goals I have are HARD.  Damn hard, and they tax the body more than I realize.

Yesterday was Sarah and my last long run before we tackle the Las Vegas Marathon next month.  22 miles was the distance, and we needed an afternoon run to get us ready for the night run in Vegas.  Of course yesterday was record heat for this time of year and was an easy 84 degrees when we met to run.  I had fueled properly and smartly, packed my performance chews, gels and electrolyte tabs.  I had thoroughly hydrated.  I had done everything right.

The run started okay.  It was hot, but nothing I couldn't handle.  A few miles in I started to feel lethargic.  Hmmm, thats weird.  So we stopped, I took my O2 Gold vitamins, drank some water and stretched.  I looked at our map, 6.5 miles.  Oh man, thats it? So we continued on.  After that first stop I started noticing some cramping in my lower GI and by the time we reached the 8.5 mile stop, I was experiencing continuous pain.  The feeling was like being gassy or on the verge of diarrhea (I know, TMI....get used to it:).  We were both hot and sweaty, but I was getting rather uncomfortable. The next 6 miles were rough.  All uphill and the cramping got worse.  It started to go into my back and the jostling of running made it horrible.  My pace dramatically decreased.  Here we were only at mile 12 and I was flat out miserable.  My stomach started to get nauseous and all I could think was how much further I had to go.

At mile 14 we hit Wash Park and I was concerned.  It wasn't getting better, it wasn't subsiding and was seriously starting to impede my running.  How can this be happening?  I was miserable. I went to the porta potty 2 times attempting to relieve myself only to be met mostly with wavering intense cramping and no relief (if you know what I mean).  I just flat felt broken.  There was nothing I could do to help myself and everything about my pace, form and morale was slowly coming crashing down.

17 to 22 miles was forever,  my cramping was worse and extending into my back.  Walking was less painful, but the desire to just get home kept me running.  My pace was at a crawl.  I would stop hunched over every half mile towards the end.  My body and mind were in an epic battle.  I have never fought so hard to keep moving.  I finished the miles having stopped over 30 minutes during the course of the run.  I came home and wrestled with intense nausea and a low grade fever.  Yeah, it was not my finest.

We finished, took our victory picture, I crawled in my car, called my husband and fell apart.  I was on the brink of turning in my running shoes. My amazing husband however didn't take my BS.  He told me straight up, "Honey, welcome to the IRONMAN life.  You have chosen big goals and you are ABSOLUTELY going to have horrible days.  Don't cry about it, just shake it off!"  His last words to me, right before "I love you", made me giggle, "Buck up sissy pants!"  It's just what I needed.

Yep, I've been humbled, but I will only come back stronger.  The victory isn't as sweet until you have tasted a little defeat.

A Beautiful Mess

Well I am not so sure its beautiful, but I feel a little bit like right now my life is a mess.  I cannot seem to find myself coming or going.  To be honest, I may be in that "too committed" place right now.  Add to that the miles, and miles AND MILES that I am running in preparation for the Vegas Marathon next month and lets just say, I still have a cookie on my floor from last week, the laundry is only partially done, and clutter has just become a staple on my floors.  Man, its chaotic in my life.

This being my 5th marathon, you think I would be used to it, but the time commitment for training and the reality that when you are not running all you want to do is eat...A LOT, or sleep is always surprising.  These types of endurance events just demand so much effort.  Whew.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE IT, but the past 2 weeks have shown me how crazy I might just be.  Goodness!

I have 3 blogs right now that I have started and then either had to leave to run, or found myself knee deep in sister drama, or dinner making.  Evie is so busy right now and declaring her independence with ferocity.  Her, "I feel no fear" attitude coupled with the fact that she loves all people makes her a force to be reckoned with.  I cannot take my eyes off of her for a second, not one.  She seriously would walk right up to a stranger say "Uppies" and go blissfully unaware with anyone who would oblige.  It is a FULL time job keeping her out of toilets, fountains and poop.  Yes, you read that right.  The other day at the zoo, I took my eyes off of her for a second and she came up to me with poop on her hands...and face.  Dude kiddo that is so gross.  It is seriously non stop, always, no stopping, ever, always with this kid.

Lily is so full of energy and awesomeness right now too.  She is so smart and her imagination is taking flight.  It truly is so much fun to watch, but again, so constant.  She is really becoming such a fun conversationist and loves to talk about everything and nothing.  I love it and look forward to the many chats we will have in the future.

Between school, running, cycling, swim lessons, swimming laps, MOPS, Playdates, regular husband dates, eating, grocery store going, life living, and that little thing called sleeping, I am living in a messy life right now.

But man is it beautiful, filled with joy, excitement, determination, courage, fun, laughter and the occasional tickle fight.  Sure its chaotic, but its filled with all the right things.  Who cares if there is a cookie on my floor.

More Beautiful You

Dear Lily and Evie,

I have a story to tell you guys.  Its a good one.  Its good because its one of those stories where the end is awesome.

This story is true and real.  Its a story about Jessi.

Your Daddy and I met Jessi and her now husband Ryan in our college years.  Although it took a while for us all to be close, the friendship bloomed over our time spent in school.  Ryan was a part of our wedding and Bob and I were blessed to be a part of theirs.

Jessi is a kindred spirit, and a woman of great courage and perseverance.  Her story is too powerful not to tell.  You see girls, Jessi has waged a harsh and bitter battle against anorexia and depression.  She has dealt first hand with the unachievable standard of physical perfection this world embraces and the crushing self loathing that comes when good is never good enough.

Her battle I am sure started innocently enough with the desire to be thin.  Our society embraces thin bodies as beautiful and we idolize them, how easy it is as a young woman trying to find acceptance to not embrace it too.  "If only I looked like that....."  Once it starts,  it can quickly begin to spiral out of control as you stop eating, start exercising and begin to chase a vision no woman was meant to be.  And let me tell you....for a while, it feels good. "Oh, you look so beautiful,  Oh you have such a tiny waist, You look amazing."

In a short amount of time your perspective of beauty begins to change and you become obsessed. Obsessed with your looks, your weight, your food, your size and yourself.  Nothing you are or do is ever good enough.  You begin a trajectory of self loathing which leads inevitably to depression.  Its dark.

Jessi is a woman who has walked to all of these dark places. She has lived in an emaciated body.  I can remember a few years ago spending time with her and literally seeing her waste away.  My heart hurt for her.

But Jessi is strong, she is brave.....and she has a wonderful support system.  Jessi knew she needed help and checked herself into an intensive program for eating disorders.  Today by the grace of God she is in recovery.  She has been through the battle and has emerged a victor.

But girls, many women aren't as victorious, and are not as brave as Jessi.  Their battle against this disease and the depression that comes with it has consumed them and many have lost their lives.

I share this powerful story with you because above all, I LOVE YOU.  More than that though is the desire to make sure you are reminded every day and in every way where your true beauty lies.  It lies in your heart, and out of a heart that loves Jesus. Be mindful of the world and the mis focused obsession with outward perfection.  The world will try in every way to lure you into it.  It is easy to become consumed by some version of unattainable "beauty." It will be hard, and it will take courage to stand against it and cling to the truth.  Your value does not lie in a size, a number or a body type.  Your value cannot be quantified or dictated by the world.  You are valuable because you are a child of God. You are valuable because you are you!

"There could never be a more beautiful you

Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops, 

they make you jump through

You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do

So there could never be a more beautiful you" 

~ Johnny Diaz (from the song More Beautiful You)

I Love You,

Mom

A Time to Reconnect

I love the verses in Ecclesiastes that talk about timing and seasons.  This fall has been a sweet time for our family.  Not only because Colorado is simply BEAUTIFUL this time of year, and cool, but because the Lord afforded us two special visits from friends we have not seen in a long, LONG time.  

Our first visit this month came in the form of our dear friends Jessi and Ryan.  These guys are college buddies of ours and although we live far and only see each other rarely, still have that awesome friendship that can practically pick up where we left off 2 years ago.  Its wonderful.  

Their time with us was far too short, but we got to spend a lovely afternoon with them and they were able to meet Evie and spend some time in the chaos of the Longmire family.  I had the real privilege of photographing them and we squeezed as much as we possibly could into their 8 hours with us.  I love that we have friends like this.  They are lifelong and I look forward to the next visit and hope against hope that it isn't 2 years!

Heather and Ryan Hickerson are another of those amazing lifelong friends that we had the blessing of seeing this month!  Ryan is one of Bob's best friends from his younger days.  When I met Bob, he had the most stories about him, Ryan and Ryan's brother Bryce.  Once I got the approval from these buddies, I knew I was a keeper for sure!  

We have stayed in touch with them, but personal time with them has been far, far, far too sparse.  They are such kindred spirits and sweet friends.

After we welcomed them, rather abruptly, into the craziness that is our life, they jumped right in.  Ryan is awesome with kids and he was quick to start monkeying around with our brood right off the bat.  Evie fell in love with Ryan and he quickly became her go to person.  Lily loved having another big guy to tickle her, throw her around and play gymnastics with.

We took them to Lily's favorite place, the museum, and enjoyed the discovery zone and checking out the new Whale exhibit.

Saturday was a true treat.  We took a long mountain drive over Squaw Pass, past Echo Lake and down into Idaho Springs.  We couldn't let them come to Colorado without having a Beau Jo's pizza experience.  The weather was glorious, the colors breathtaking and the company delightful.  Plus, 4 adults against 2 kids (one toddler that refused to sleep in the car.....oh yes, that is starting now) was a huge win.  We all took turns playing, walking and managing the fussy.

Colorado is so beautiful this time of year.  Idaho Springs is most definitely one of those places that will always have a special place in my heart.  I was so blessed to have a chance to get this little family picture.  It captures my family perfectly.  That ragamuffin in Bob's arms didn't want to look at the camera, which so efficiently captures our life.  This new independence thing is blowing her mind and she is stepping into it with abandon.

Our drive home knocked her out finally, and we enjoyed a wonderful evening of time with our buddies.  Sunday brought with it worship at our church's new Uptown Building and an afternoon of football.  The weekend was such a great time of conversation and fellowship.

Bob and I are truly blessed with friendships that span the many moves we have had and the places our lives have taken us.  I am grateful that the Lord gave us this time, however too short it was to reconnect with these special souls.

16 Smiley Months

16 months!  My little Bee is 16 months today and is still my little peanut.  This little girl is seriously the cutest Evie Frances that ever walked the planet.  Her smiles are contagious and she is smiley all of the time.  As the Fall has come to Colorado, I have had to dig out the warmer clothes.  Bee is so tiny and she still fits well in 12 month size, so Lily's old 18 month size is swimming on her.  These overalls, though, are just too cute not to put on her every single day.

Add the little piggy tails in the back and you have a recipe for cutest Bee ever.  Goodness is this little lady so adorable.  I just want to keep her this cute for a long time.

Evie can be summed up in one word lately....independent.  She wants to walk everywhere and, NO, she does not want to hold your hand.  She has no fear and thinks it is the most fun game when you chase after her as she attempts to head into the street.  That innocence has no idea where she is headed.  Her spirit is going to rival her sister's in strength and determination.  

She still LOVES to eat.  Holy Moses.  Her favorite thing in the world right now are "ah-dots."  Yes, we have nearly purchased stock in hot dogs for our family.  We have even added them into the monthly line up for family dinners.  Yogurt, grapes and bananas are big favorites right now too and she always must have access to her "Wawa" and a healthy supply of cheerios.

This little lady is smack dab in the middle of the screaming phase.  We are talking blood curdling, shrill, "get your kid under control" screaming.  We spank her, we tell her "no, no," we ignore her.  Nothing works to stop it.  I have come to realize that she loves when we react to it.  Even if that reaction is negative.  LOVES IT.  Sometimes amidst the boiling anger over being screamed at all day I will literally break down in giggles at the effort she makes to scream her little self silly.  Be it frustration, anger at her sister, or just plain "this is fun to do," she is priceless to watch.  What a booger.

We love bath time....as you can tell.  I took all of these pictures and then noticed how clear that little bruise on her forehead appeared.  That my friends is what happens when you are an unstable walker, refuse to have help and get yourself going down a ramp.  Her head got way ahead of her little feet fast and face to the ground she went.    Pretty cute if you ask me.

Evie is so active these days and in seemingly constant motion.  Its exhausting.  She loves babies and horseys and is head over heels in love with her father.  Her Memaw is one of her favorites too.  Just this month we are finally successfully getting "Me-Maw" out instead of just having another "Maw-me" in the world.  She had a hard time with that one, but we have it now!  Once it happened it stuck and somedays she walks around the house repeating her new favorite word.  Goodness how these girls love their Memaw.

I don't want to be too quick to call it, but I think this Bee is going to be far easier to potty train and I may actually start now (oh who am I kidding...that won't happen).  She tells me when she needs her "Ba-bum" changed (her word for diaper), and just today she has started to tell me when she pees.  She runs up to me, touches her diaper and goes, "Ba-BUM!!"  Oh how I love this child.

 Little Evie Bee, how fast you are growing.  You are becoming such a cute and special little girl.  You are strong and determined and far too ambitious for your own good, but I wouldn't change a thing.  I love the way you love me.  Your hugs and snuggles, pouty kisses and leg hugs make me smile.  You delight me little girl and I love you more and more each day.  You are my favorite Evie Frances.

Love you so so SO much,

Mom