Curtis Powelson was an incredible man, an incredible father and husband, an incredible Marine. He was a man determined to serve and he did. He was my cousin, married to my first cousin Chelsea.
On Monday night a sinkhole claimed his life in a shocking and unbelievable chain of events. I simply can't believe it. My heart hurts so much. I know it happens, but why did it happen to us, to Chelsea, to their little boy Michael? Where is the justice? Where is the mercy?
Curtis was a selfless man. I will never forget when he and Chelsea came to visit Lily when she was just born. His rock solid arms held her so carefully. I have never felt she was safer. When she was tucked away in his arm, I knew he would move heaven and earth to keep her safe. I will never forget. The man was special. Curtis was a Marine at heart. Committed to his country and his family. Why him? A question that has been bathed in my tears.
January we lost my sweet Grandma, February my cousin lost a precious new baby, in August we lost Bob's Grandpa, a special man indeed and now this. My tears continue to flow. Life is so hard lately, we have lost so much. I long for the "season of plenty" I long for the "season of joy." Oh my heart..........it hurts. I know we have good things, but the sad, heart breaking losses just seem to shroud them.
Lily has completely digressed in her potty training and is back in diapers. I am so frustrated and discouraged. Everything is hard with her, everything. I have forgotten how to be graceful with her. I am short and unhappy so much of my hours with her. Life is wearing me down. Trying to parent while dealing with my own grief is so hard.
Evie is not sleeping well at all lately. I don't know what it is, but she just won't sleep soundly. I have been up no less than 4 times a night for the past 3 nights and during the days she rarely sleeps for more than 45 min at a stretch. I just can't find a break, a moment to grieve.
I can't be with my sweet Chelsea and her family right now and it hurts. I feel the weight of my responsibilities right now and all I want is to rush to her side to hold her while this storm rages. But I can't......and it hurts.
After last month, I have been seeking for peace, for joy, for hope. I've been finding it. After yesterday, I feel that my spirit must start again.
Lord, carry me, carry my family. Its so dark right now.
My heart hurts.
Sweet friend you have been on my mind these past few days. Praying for comfort for everyone involved. Love you so.
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