Why is Peace so fleeting?

This is a question that I have really been pondering lately. Why is that inner peace, the ability to rest in the moment, so hard, so seemingly unattainable? Life just keeps coming and instead of rolling with the punches and clinging to the Peace that passes all understanding, I find myself restless, irritable and stressed to the max. Paul talks about having a "thorn" in his flesh, a weakness. For me, that thorn can be summed up in one word, contentment. Such a simple word to say, such a hard word to emulate.


There is so much good in our lives right now and as Bob always reminds me, "we have good problems." So there is a part of me that wants to say "buck up sissy pants" considering that my struggles really are minor in the grand scheme, but still I find myself anxious, discontent and unsettled. What a sinner I am.

There is some stress around Bob's job and with this also comes the uncertainty of our living situation. Doing life with Grace and Sebron has been wonderful, but as we approach our lease expiration we are all wondering if the Lord is going to continue merging our paths or send our families in different directions. The ominous thought of moving again is a looming stress point to say the least. Craigslist and Goodwill are full of items I have deemed no longer movable. There is also the question of where. The decisions seem so big.

Adding to this is another marathon and the exhausting miles and miles and miles of running, the loss of our big buddy Rocky, a mysterious lump on Lily's leg that seems benign but is very unsettling, and the roller coaster of emotions that parenthood seems bent on keeping me on. Yes, peace is most certainly fleeting at the moment.

Funny enough though is that I find my inability to be peaceful stressful. No kidding, my stress is making me stressed. Just in the past 24 hours I have had this epiphany and realized that it really is as silly as it sounds. I have also had the realization that peace is a choice, a day in day out, moment in moment out, second in second out choice. It's a choice to give to the Lord the stresses, anxiety and worry that bind us.

Christ came to set us free, and we are free indeed, yet my simplemindedness prefers to live all chained up in the mire of my own life. This realization has made one thing very clear.........I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE THAT WAY. I have managed to get myself all bound up again in the chains of this life and publicly admit that this is NOT where I want to be. Not even close.


Today I am breakin' free. Bob's job sress is a chain I no longer want to carry, our living situation is a chain I no longer want to bear. Worry over little Lily's leg will no longer be my weight, and guilt about a furry friend that got less than he should have will no longer bind me. I am claiming the power of the Cross to set me free from the bondage of fear, uncertainty and worry into the freedom of peace, life, joy and hope.

Christ has set me free............I will be free.

Getting Sandy

What a strange week of weather it has been for us. For a few short days it felt like we were living in Colorado with the random changes we have had. Monday last week brought snow and Thursday last week brought 81 degree heat. Go figure. We didn't do much when it snowed, but we enjoyed the summer day a whole lot!


Grace and I decided that we needed to take the babies to the park for some fun. Jancsi looked so cute in his little shortalls and Lily was having a ball in her rolled up jeans and bare feet.



The swings still remain Lily's most favorite place, and when she is not swinging, she loves, loves, loves people watching. She is simply enamored with what everyone else is doing.



Grace and I, after much consideration, decided to attempt playing in the sandbox. Lily kept her distance at first, but once I gave her a little shovel, she discovered how fun it actually is to play in the endless supply of sand.



Needless to say after a few minutes in the box, we had sand everywhere. She had so much fun that she didn't want to leave.


She has really taken to the walking thing too. She does take a few steps on her own here or there, but her absolutely most favorite thing to do these days is to walk holding on to Mom and/or Dad's hand. She will literally go into her room, find some shoes (preferably the squeaking ones) and point outside. We have started to make a habit out of going outside and letting her journey around the cul-de-sac.


She practically pulls one or more fingers out of the socket while traipsing up and down the road, but we just love the time with her and her walking excitement. She has so much fun with this, that when we pick her up to take her inside she points and leans and squirms to get down on her little feetsies.

Lily also loves to visit Dewey. Dewey is our next door neighbor's doggy.


He is such a sweet boy who seriously cannot control his licker and has mad jumping skills. Lily just adores him and every time we walk out of the house she points over to the fence and says, "dooo." Dewey is a hard one, so Doo it is. She just loves him and I let her enjoy every moment with him now that Rocky is no longer around.

Bob has really become such a special part of her life.


I will tell you, Lily loves me a lot, but on the weekends, I play second fiddle to the almighty Daaaaaadee. Oh Boy does she love him. I really love seeing the transition because I know that it makes Bob feel so special. What a sweet time in our lives.

A Little Life in Lily

Last week was a week.....quite a week and one that will be remembered as a roller coaster of emotions. Before the week took a hard turn in the sad direction with Rocky, Lily Grace was up to much. The most exciting thing that happened last week was that Lily walked on her own for several steps, even got up in the middle of the floor by herself.



It was such a special night. Bob was here as well as Grace, Sebron and Jancsi who was more excited than all of us to see Lily crossing the threshold to walker. What a moment, what a celebration!

I think that her motivation to walk really took off after Grandma Feddy sent her a pair of squeak when you walk shoes for Valentines Day.


Lily just loved them instantly (even if they did drive poor Rocky Boy crazy). It was like all of a sudden walking was extra fun because she squeaked every time she walked. Now she goes into her room, opens her drawer, pulls out her squeaker shoes and asks me to put them on. She grabs her little car and roams all over the house, squeak, squeak, squeaking away. Thank Heavens that she will grow out of those sooner rather than later because I could see how the squeaking could take on an entirely different appeal than cute.

It is simply the best thing to watch her try to figure out how to balance her weight on those two stubby feet. She is so unsteady and yet she desperately wants to make it into Bob or my arms. Walking right now is kind of like a game. Mommy sits there, Daddy sits over there and I go back and forth. Once I get close I nose dive into Mom or Dad because, of course, they will catch me. What a fun game and one we are only too happy to play with her.


She managed to get her shirt partially over her head the other afternoon. Too cute.

Lily is looking more and more like a little girl and less and less like the little baby. It is to be expected, but I can't help but think that she is growing up too fast. The other day I put her in jeans, a pink polka dot top, her squeaker shoes (of course) and her first pig tail complete with bow. I sat her on the glider and couldn't help but see a budding little girl staring back at me.


Her little pig tail managed to stay in her hair (still don't know how) through most of nap time where she was finally able to pull it out. This is what you get when you put babyfine wet hair into a pig tail and then let the baby sleep on it. Simply mawvelous!


She is learning how to build things these days too, which is a nice change from the "Godzilla Baby" approach she has had to any stort of block or lego structure.




Bob built a tower and for the first time, Lily was only too happy to keep putting blocks on top of each other. It is fun to watch the change as kiddos learn new skills. Unfortunately, just as Lily is entering the build and put away stage, Mr. Jancsi is fast entering the "Godzilla" phase. So far it hasn't caused any drama, but Grace and I are sure it is only a matter of time. It is such a precious thing to watch them together. They really are a little brother and sister.

Goodbye Old Friend

Bob and I had to say goodbye to our big sweet Rocky Boy yesterday. Rocky was filled with cancer and it was in his bones and hips causing him excruciating pain. He went downhill fast and yesterday let us know it was time. Bob and I held him as he passed quietly and quickly and cried our eyes out too.

What a sweet boy. The Longmires could have had 4 doggie lifetimes with Rocky and still felt like it wasn't enough time. Rocky was special. Bob and I were always sure that Rocky was going to live forever. Not because he wanted too, but because we were sure we couldn't get by without the big ole boy in our lives. I will tell you, his pain was so great this week that Bob and I knew we could no longer hold onto him, it was time.


Its 2AM right now and I just can't sleep. My eyes are so swollen and dry from all of the tears, and frankly, the house is just too quiet. He isn't on his bed or on the floor between our rooms. Makes me realize how safe I felt having him around. He took his guarding responsibilities seriously and spent most of his time carefully placed between the 3 people he loved most, equidistant watching over us. Boy, I miss it. The loss is unbelievably great. Feels in a real way like an arm of our family has been sliced off. Man this hurts.

Rocky came to us at the sweet age of 6 and instantly became a part of the family.



When I look back I remember fighting Bob on getting him, after all, I did not want a big dog. How blessed I am to have lost that fight. Rocky was so worth it and he quickly stole a big part of my heart.


But no matter how much I loved Rocky, or how much he loved me, I couldn't hold a candle to the love and affection exchanged between him and Bob.





What an incredible relationship and brotherhood. Rocky was Bob's dog, no doubt about it.

Bob told me a story last night from Rocky's puppyhood that made me smile. Rocky was Grandma Jill's dog first and they got him when he was a enormous pawed puppy full of energy. Bob remembers that Rocky was yippy and would bark and make all sorts of noise as a little guy. One night he was playing cards with his buddies and little Rocky wouldn't stop yipping. Bob got up, went over to him, and just started barking in a big voice at him to which little puppy Rocky, surprised as all get out, fell flat all over his uncoordinated self. From that moment, Rocky loved and respected Bob, and every time Bob would come home for a visit, Rocky just came alive. There was a connection. The Boy and his dog.


I have so many special and precious memories of our sweet friend, and I could probably fill a large book recounting all of them. I am finding, though, that there are not enough words in the english language to truly depict how much Rocky meant to all of us, especially Bob, especially me.




How do you describe something that extends into the soul? It's simple, I can't. Those feelings are mine and will have to stay as such. I still can't help though sharing some of the sweetest memories that I have of our Rockstar.


.......he used to lay right behind Bob's chair when he would work from home. The never wavering companion


........how precious he was with Lily. He loved her a lot.







.......he could make Lily giggle loud and long, such a sweet sound




...... he could eat ANYTHING and not get sick, chocolate, baby formula, wrappers with food on them. It was AMAZING
.......he always barked to warn people at the door, like he was saying "I'm here and these are the most precious people to me, tread carefully."
.......he was always around letting me know he was there for me while I was throwing up in the first trimester





...... how he would snuggle with Bob. He just couldn't get close enough.


......how much he loved to be with us. So much so that he would move heaven and earth (sometimes literally) to be sure he wasn't forgotten


......he used to sleep bark while dream running through the woods. You catch those bunnies Rocky! Go Buddy.
......he used to lay "junk to the world" with no care for decency, nope, he wanted some tummy love.
......how excited he was when we would come home. Tail wagging, he would always meet us at the door. A true welcome.


......he would drink out of the toilet and leave a trail of water on the seat and the floor. Gonna miss not having a wet behind in the middle of the night.
.......how he would wait for Bob to come home. It was especially precious when he and Lily did it together.


......he would roll around on the floor after a bath desperately trying to get the wetness off. It provided Bob and I with many belly laughs.
......how soft he was after a bath and how I enjoyed snuggling and petting him for hours after.
.......vacuuming him. It was the best way to control the massive amounts of hair.
......letting him lick the tuna fish cans. He used to chase them around the hard floor until he figured out how to hold it between his paws.
......how much he loved the mountains and how much I wish he could have lived in them. Such freedom.




......the first time we travelled to Pagosa Springs to camp with Feddy and Kemo. He didn't want to be away from us so we all slept in the horse trailer with him. He got to sleep on our air mattress with us and LOVED it. Frankly, so did we.
......running with Rocky. No one could touch me, He was simply the best running companion ever. He always wanted to go and was flat out knock-everything-over, cant-get-out-of-the-door-fast-enough excited.
......how Bob always said goodnight to Rocky. He would get down on the floor and snuggle with him.......every single night.
.......how I always felt safe when Bob was travelling because Rocky was always there by my side
.......how much he loved me, even through the times when I didn't love him like I should. His love put me to shame.

I will miss so much about him, but especially his ears.



"Uppy Downy" is what we called him. Some people thought that he looked funny with one ear up and one ear down, but I thought that made him so special. From the first day I met him 8 years ago, his ears are what endeared him to me. I will miss seeing him every time I turn around.

Rocky's was a life well lived, a beautiful doggy life. If there was ever a time where I want to believe that All Dogs go to Heaven it is most definitely now. I like to think of him hanging out with Armondo, chasing gofers and eating food off of Jesus' table. Yes, that would be fitting.

What a great dog, what a precious friend. We will miss you dearly Rocky.