This is Childhood

Well, its official, Evie is on a big girl bicycle.  She is so determined to make her mark on the big girl world and now has the wheels to do it!  She is so excited!  This girl is hitting milestones and doing everything she should be.  The bike is still a little big for her so I am extra thankful for the training wheels, but I just cannot get over how cute she looks on her princess bike in her princess helmet.

Lily, Evie and our neighborhood friend Emme LOVE to get together after school and ride bikes and scooters.  They have been having a blast going up the big hill by our house and practicing their ever growing list of "tricks" they can do.

This is Evie's trick.........what is it you ask?  No idea, but the kid said, "Mommy watch this!"  So I did and took a picture.  Good Job Evie!

Then there is Emme.  This kid makes me smile.  She LOVES the outdoors and playing.  She is chill and super fun and always up for anything my girls concoct. She has the heart of a true friend and the compassion to match.

Her trick was a lot more noticeable.  Go Emme!

I am so grateful that Lily has this sweet friend to play with.  They have gotten to know each other really well because they ride their bikes to and from school together each day.  Lily's independence grows with each moment it seems and I am amazed that she gets herself to and from school, which is .5 miles away, without me.  Yes, I pray over her.......and yes I have a standing text check in with her teacher, but YES, I let my little girl do it.  How else is she gonna learn to conquer the world?

My beautiful first born.  She is amazing and gorgeous and her smile delights me.  I snapped this picture below and could not help but feel it was the poster for childhood.  Piggy tales, not a care in the world,  peanut butter on her face, gaps in her teeth, and a front scraggle tooth desperate to come out (which it did later that night).  I hope when Lily is grown I will look back on this picture and remember it.  This is CHILDHOOD!

Lily Demoed her skills on her scooter.  Barefoot and all she was still workin' her tricks and flashing those smiles.

This trick was my favorite.  Took us 5 tries to capture it right.  Oh to be a kid again.

Bob and I have had to do A LOT of adulting lately and there are times where the weight of life feels kinda heavy.  What we would give to have the carefree joy of childhood again.  I am just so glad that we can give that to our little girls and that if childhood was a sport, they would most definitely be at the top of their game.

Viva Rocky Point Triathlon!

This race does not disappoint!  Bob and I had an absolute blast down in Rocky Point this past weekend and I simply cannot wait to share about it.  Last year I went by myself with my TRI Club and had so much fun that I registered Bob and I for this year and practically counted down the days starting last year.  The venue, the race, the after party, the people.  It is simply THE BEST!

Memaw came down from Colorado last week to watch the girls and Bob and I hopped in the car and headed south of the border last Friday.  The drive to Rocky Point is really pretty chill and very straight forward.  I will admit that it is kind of fun to be international within 3 hours.  

Our trip started out with a bang when we got pulled over by Mexican Federalies 2 miles across the border.  The Mexican town of Sonoyta is right across the border and yet we felt like a fish out of water.  When we got pulled over, there was an enormous sense of displacement and helplessness.  We gringos failed to really reduce our speed when the numbers were in kilometers and not miles.  They catch you.........and we got caught.  The guys (yes plural) who pulled us over were nice enough, but we were acutely aware of being in their territory and at their mercy.  1000 pesos ($60) later we were off again, no harm done.  We had this realization though that every American should have to travel internationally in a country that doesn't speak their language.  Why?  Empathy and understanding.  Until you feel out of place and like a minority.....you really cannot understand the plight of the foreigner.....or the refugee........

I digress.

We made it to Rocky Point with no further delays and managed to find our way to our AMAZING lodging.  A big group of us rented a house a short walk from the beach and it was gorgeous.  5 bedrooms, king size beds, balconies, full kitchen, luxurious aesthetics.  It was perfect.  Once semi settled we walked over to the race site to pic up our race packets and get familiar with the lay of the land.

The night before the race we were all found in the makeshift bike shop pumping tires, greasing chains, checking our gear and prepping for the race.  These people are some of the coolest around.  Just sayin.

Huge shout out to my husband who tackled his first EVER olympic distance with me this trip.  He woke up charged and ready to take on the course even though the last triathlon he raced was about 3 years ago!  You gotta give the guy props.......

Plus......he looks so HOT in his tri kit.  

I mean, look at us........we are like the poster couple for "Those that race together stay together."  I keep hoping he will fall in love with this stuff because he looks really good in that kit.  

But I already said that.

Last year we woke up to near hurricane force winds.  It was really rough, but this year the weather was perfect.  It was quite hot, but with very little wind and not a cloud in the sky, we could not have asked for a better day.  We were well represented out there with several olympic individual racers as well as an awesome olympic relay team.

The whistle blew and we all started on the race.  The swim was beautiful.  We ran about 200 yards along the beach to get to the water entrance and then the swim was a smooth sea swim.  I LOVED it.  Swimming is my happy place and I got in that water and stretched out my strokes.  I was only sad it was a short swim of only 1000 meters.  I seriously could just swim and swim and swim.  I exited the water and ran up the sandy beach to transition feeling fast, good and ready to roll. 

Last year I had so much pressure on every race I did because I was constantly doubting myself about IRONMAN.  If I had a bad race it mentally demoralized me.  This year, I have this new confidence.  I proved something to myself that I never have to prove again.  I am a bad ass athlete, and this year I know it.  So I started this triathlon with this pressure free feeling of, "Bethany, just go out there and do what you do. Have fun and do your thing."

So I got on the bike feeling great and strong.  The bike course is a 3 loop course and its extra fun because there are no rules, IE. you can draft.  We all like to refer to the Rocky Point triathlon as a bandit race because its not governed and a bit Wild West-ish.  Shoot, we had a couple people ride cruisers with flip flops on the race.  Ah Mexico!  I rolled out fast and hot, caught a pace line and cruised through the first lap.  The second lap my coach Dawn caught me and I held onto her wheel pushing my pace.  The final lap I was all the way out at the turn around spot (the farthest from the finish) and I heard that  flop, flop, flop of a flat tire.  AWE MAN!  I have never gotten a flat in a race!  

I pulled over and got to work.  I had a brief moment of feeling sorry for myself and realizing that I would probably not place.  Oh well.  Then I got that spark that said, "Change your tire, get back on, haul in and catch everyone on the run Bethany!"  So that is what I did.  I freaking changed that tire, pulled the needle that caused the flat out, pumped it up, put my stuff back together, got my tire back on and got back in the race.

I flew into transition to everyone asking, "What happened?"  As I was applying sunscreen and running myself out I put on my IRONMAN hat and yelled back my 3 famous words, "I got this."  Now, the run course is no joke.  It is very hilly with steep and short hills as well as being HOT.  So hot.  I got on the hill leading up to the course and had a gut check time.  Dawn has been working on my speed with me and I am SO GRATEFUL.  I was able to push hard even on that course and managed to pull out an average of 8:25s even on that course.  Did it hurt....yes...a little and I ended up peeing all over myself because I didn't want to stop, but it was so worth it to make a comeback!  I was able to catch all of the people that passed me on the bike and end the race strong.

My comeback was strong enough for a 1st place age group finish!  I won't lie, it felt really good to see my name on the leader board in first.  I fought for that!

Bob had a FANTASTIC race himself and pulled out a 5th place age group finish in one of the toughest and most competitive categories for guys.  He has some serious triathlon skill and I cannot wait to watch him again.

We all got our free beer and settled down for the awards.  I'm telling you, Rocky Point does not disappoint.  The awards were perfect for the venue and feel of the race.  All the winners got to go on stage and strut their stuff.  So proud to represent AZ TRI Club up there on that catwalk.  Also proud that I neither tripped or spilled my beer while having my moment.

Our relay team took 3rd in the category and rocked their catwalk too.  We sure did miss Bridgit who was supposed to be our swimmer, but a bum leg took her out.

Once the awards were done, the party happened.  Lots of alcohol, lots of music, lots of conversation and time spent with many of our favorite people!

Later in the evening we headed into town for dinner with Rosario and David.  It was a blast to hang out with them.  It was like a spontaneous double date and we thoroughly enjoyed getting to know them.  I will say it again, we know really cool people.

The food at Aqui Con Flavios is just THE BEST.  We enjoyed the water and the evening immensely....even if we were fairly sloshed from our afternoon partying. 

The next morning we made our way down to the pool right outside our rental house for an hour or so of sun baking.  We laid there feeling our heads pounding having a giggle, "we are too old for all that partying!"  It was time to leave all to soon and we kept wishing we had more time to sit and soak up the beach.

This race is one of those annual things Bob and I will always do.  Its just fun in every sense of the word.  I love having a partner to do this stuff with.  I love having a body that will do it.  

Here's to the next triathlon adventure BABE!

A Weight to Great

This past weekend we celebrated Easter.  More specifically we celebrated the world changing life, death and resurrection of Jesus.  Such a beautiful day, such a time to celebrate and yet I found myself huddled in a weeping mass in my husband's arms Sunday night.  Not how I had planned my Easter weekend to play out.

What happened you ask?  Well, a lot.  Probably more than I could ever convey in one blog post and frankly far more than you would ever want to know.  Sunday night I found myself buried under the weight of a million things I have carefully hidden and guarded.  Last night I quite literally could no longer bear my burdens and they came off at the foot of the cross, and in a river that poured out of my head onto my husband (ladies, you know you have a good one when even literally covered in your snot, he still thinks your hot).

I am a perfectionist, a little OCD, driven and stubborn.  It makes me great.  Its what honestly makes me good at a great many things.  Its what made me a phenomenal IRONMAN.  Perfectionism, however, is a very slippery slope and I found myself literally at the bottom of that slope buried under the weight of expectations.  So many expectations.

I am so many things.  I am a wife, a mother, a friend, a daughter, a triathlete, a tri club officer, a runner, a swimmer, a biker, a photographer, a businesswoman, an accountant, a house keeper, a cook, a scheduler, a negotiator, a disciplinarian, a teacher, a lover, a doer, a planner........the list is overwhelming.

I want to be a perfectionist at all of these things, I want to fit it all in.  I want to be and do all well.  I want to be all for everyone.  I want to wake up with my family, be able to do everything for them, have a clean house, be able to train for races, drop off my kids at school, pick my kids up at school, volunteer when needed, have time with my husband, never forget to pay bills, have a handle on our finances, never overeat, always make healthy food choices, have an amazing body, have time for friends, follow through with every playdate, call people back, email people back, participate more in my church, participate more in the community.....again, the list is endless.  Why can't I do it all?  Why can't I meet my own expectations?  Why do I feel like a complete Jack of all trades and Master of absolutely nothing?

The weight of expectation is crushing.

I thought I was getting a good handle on the idea of balance in my life, but lately, I just feel the weight of everything I want to do, all the ways I want to do them and the overwhelming feeling that  I'm failing at all of them.  I am dealing with internal changes and am now seeing a doctor for a host of hormonal and gut related issues that are making me tired and feel yucky really all the time.  I am worried and frustrated and can't seem to want to slow down.  What if everything has to stop?  What if something is really wrong?  What if I can't do all I want to do?

The weight of my own expectations is crushing.

For the past several weeks I have found myself not showing my true feelings or fears to anyone.  Nobody has time for that.  I have kept a lot of my stuff locked inside and work tirelessly to keep it hidden.  Maybe hidden is to strong....handled.  I got this......I can handle my life......I am Bethany the IRONMAN......I got this.

But the weight.....its so heavy.

No.......keep going.  So I have.  Every week at the end of church the pastor points to all of these amazing prayer warriors and asks, "If anyone needs prayer or just a big hug, feel free to come up."  Every Sunday I say I am going to do it, and every Sunday I don't.  I can't cry in front of all these people.... I don't have time for this.......my girls are going to want their lemonade.  I don't need it.....I can handle my life.

But I can't, not really.  Never could point in fact and the undeniable weight of my burdens finally became too heavy and with one conversation I simply broke and could no longer hold it.  I had forgotten how healing and cathartic having a really, really, really good cry was.  When I finally let vulnerability take over the pressure of perfection.

The road to truly finding balance and peace about all of this is going to be long and I am realizing that it is most likely going to be a life pursuit with good days and bad.  I pray that I can solve the health issues that are exacerbating some of the issues and find internal healing for outward symptoms.

Ultimately I am so incredibly grateful for a Jesus who died on the cross specifically to carry my burdens.  I am grateful that at the end of the day, I, Bethany the IRONMAN, cannot do it all.  I can't.  I am not enough and never will be.

But Jesus is and He has no expectation except one.

Surrender.

So this past weekend, on Resurrection Day, I dropped it all.  I began the process of surrendering and of stopping the incessant expectation setting.  I am just me.  Saved by grace, loved unconditionally and wrapped in greatness.  That greatness doesn't come from anything I can do, but rather from a King who has called me by name and made me His own.

He is ALIVE!

He is Risen!  Death has been defeated!  Once again, we are reminded that God is in the business of love and redemption.  As the flowers bloom so we feel wrapped in the knowledge that life is so very worth living!

Our Easter weekend was a mix of incredible joy as well as some much needed crying (next blog on that).  We spent a lot of time together as a family and even got to visit our Arizona family for some good food, and a candy filled pinata!

Memaw brought these amazing dresses down the last time she came to visit and I have been anxiously waiting this past weekend to put them on the girls.  Our photo session  was a little chaotic and done between church and lunch, but what can I say.  That is how our life is.

Both girls are loving the sunshine and warm weather.  They also always enjoy playtime after church.  Lily cannot get enough of her Daddy and I simply love this shot below.  She fell into a lap of tickles immediately after this picture was taken.

Those two are like two peas in a pod.

Getting these two to stop playing for a "real" picture is tough, but  I sat in the middle of these two beautiful girls and thought, "Wow, honey, we did good."  Our girls are gorgeous and the best parts of Bob and I.  I am so grateful for their lives and for a Jesus who gave his life for them.  They amaze me.

After church we had the lovely opportunity to reconnect with our Arizona family for a fantastic meal and festivities complete with a bunny pinata!  Lily was thrilled that she was 1 of only 3 kids because that meant more candy for her and let me tell you, both their buckets were full!

Every year the arrival of Easter brings us humbly to the cross of Christ and reminds us that grace is truly amazing.  I am extra grateful for the blood shed for me this year and that He most definitely is ALIVE!