Reflecting the Real

Yesterday started off rough.  I guess I should be used to it by now, the no sleep thing, but yesterday hit me like a ton of bricks.  I just couldn't get going, I felt down, I felt spent and by 8AM in the morning, I just wanted to go back to sleep.  Unfortunately I couldn't do that so I pushed through the morning and school drop off.

You see, since sending Lily to school, I have made a habit of heading to the rec center for a morning dose of "Bootcamp," a class designed to literally take the most in shape of persons and remind them that there is still work to be done.  I have NEVER hurt so much than after I take this class.  Why take it you ask?  Well, its cheaper than therapy and for 1 glorious hour I am kid free.

So anyways, back to yesterday.  I have not stepped on a scale in a while and I decided to venture a weigh in before class started.  I stepped on the scale sure that I was going to weigh within a certain range and well, I didn't. In one singular moment, my whole view of myself plummeted.  I got up on the track and started to run while negative self image thoughts swirled around in my head.  On about the 10th lap before class I found myself in a cloud of frustration and self doubt.

The instructor started the class in true bootcamp style.  "Grab your weights and do lunges twice around the track!"  We ran stairs, jumped rope, did pushups and dips followed by yet another set of lunges around the track.  When we looked tired she told us to run harder, when we slowed down she challenged us to speed up.  When 50 push ups turned into 20 she empowered us to do a few more.  It burned, but I doggedly did it all.

Finally towards the end, she had us plank for 2 minutes.  I assumed the plank position and for the first time in the hour looked up to see my hard working reflection in the mirror.  This is what I saw.

STRENGTH, MIGHT, WILL.  Seeing the muscles in my upper body hold fast while I worked to hold the plank instantly made me stop.  Right then I said to myself, "Why did I give that stupid scale any power to make me question who I am? Why did I let that number dictate my view of myself?  I am stronger than I have ever been.  Know it, Own it, be Proud of it."

We women have a bad habit of letting a number dictate our worth.  After Wednesday I have committed to not stepping on a scale unless I have to (ie. doctor).  I will never let that box dictate my worth or allow it to be a door to self doubt.  I want to be a strong woman, not just thin.  I want my weight to be measured in will rather than in numbers. I want to find power in who I am, and not what I weigh.

Thanks workout room mirror for being a reflection of the real me.  The powerful, strong and driven woman.

We're Doin' Good

So much has been going on in our family lately and it has dawned on me that I have shared very little here on this blog of ours.  One of the biggest things that has happened over the past month is that Bob got a new job.  Yeah, I know, another big change, but this one is great and is another step in the right direction for him and his career.  This coming Monday, Bob will start with Ibotta as a Director of Sales.  He is stoked and we are super excited to see what the Lord has in store for us.  Bring on the new!

Miss Lily is thriving in her preschool class.  Even though the mornings are sometimes fraught with the "I don't want to go to school" blues, when I go to pick her up on Monday and Wednesdays she never wants to leave.  She is so very independent and a couple of the teachers have commented that she just likes to do her own thing.  School is SO great for this because she has to learn about working with others.

Lily has been giving me a run for my money lately.  The best way to describe her is tough.  Some days every moment is hard.  She challenges everything, asks why over and over again and tests my resolve all of the time.  Its hard and sometimes sad.  The other day I gave her some clear boundaries about something and she just broke apart into tears.  I stopped, hugged her and said, "Lily, why are you crying honey?" to which she replied, "Mommy its hard being 3, I'm so tired."  It was such a tender moment and it helped me to remember, its hard growing up.  She is looking to me for help in this big world and just needs to know constantly where she is in the world and why.  I love her.

My photography business is really starting to take off and I am having a lot of fun exploring my creativity through a camera lens.  With my business growing, I have been able to purchase much better professional equipment and am starting the arduous process of learning the ins and outs of Photoshop.  I have come to the conclusion that I know about 1% of all Photshop can do, but I'm hoping to increase that number and quickly.  

Evie is becoming more vocal and more willing to declare her baby opinion these days.  She is so cute and smiley.  She is laid back and happy to just be with anyone who wants to be with her.  She is not in a big hurry to grow up and is taking her time with each developmental stage.  I'm glad.  Every day I recognize the fact that sooner than later she will be running with her sister and learning her own way in the world.  I will relish this time.

The girls and I have good times together during the week.  When Lily is at school, Evie and I spend our mornings at the Rec Center.  Evie loves the child care area and Miss Patty, while I have been working on finding my strength in my Bootcamp class.  We have a good time.

When its not snowing or freezing outside we like to spend some of our days in the backyard.  Lily is so much fun to watch.  Everything delights her and she finds the simplest things to play with and enjoy.  Her little bucket always carries her favorite toy whether it be her necklaces or her horses.  She is just fun to watch in motion.

Life is good for us Longmires and we are excited to see what the Lord has in store for us.  We recognize how blessed we are and thank the Lord daily for this beautiful life.