Beyond IRONMAN: Finding my Place

It's been a really interesting few months following my 2016 "A" race.  Its now a new year and my IRONMAN is now part of my past.  It's completely normal to go through the IRONMAN Blues, but I will honestly admit I couldn't have predicted how interesting and challenging the fallout from a year chasing IRONMAN would be.  

IRONMAN was my goal, my dream, my aspiration.  I decided to chase it 3 years ago.  I decided I was going to do it.  I committed.  I trained every day for a year.  I gave up time with my family.  I prioritized my goal over them many times.  I gave IRONMAN 100% consciously embracing my lack of commitment elsewhere.  I chased it......hard.

I will admit it......IRONMAN was an incredibly selfish pursuit.  Not only did I daily give to the pursuit of my dream, but I alone was the major victory holder in the culmination of race day.  It was my glory.  Sure.....my family played a part, but it was me who reaped the incredible rewards of the sacrifices made.  I'm the one called IRONMAN.

When it was all over it was so easy for me to wear my shiny medal, embrace my fresh tattoo, look back at all the sacrifices and missed time and say "it was all worth it."  It was easy for me to fall right back into a workout-every-day mentality and want be gone.  It had been such a fun adventure.......who wouldn't want to keep that going?

I will admit, I was terrified of what it would mean to stop.  Absolutely terrified.  I was willing to embrace the idea of "off season," but was hoping it still meant getting up every morning, pounding out a workout and planning my whole week around the next workout.  I blame myself entirely for thinking this  after all, my coach, my friends, my family and everyone around me was telling me that No Bethany, you won't be doing what you have done for the past year.  Its all going to change......AND THAT'S A GOOD THING.  But it was an unbelievably scary place to be.

What I failed to connect, which ultimately lead to the greatest part of my blues, was that there were 3 people who gave up A LOT and were not wearing medals.  They don't have their picture crossing that line, and they didn't earn the title of IRONMAN.  They made all the sacrifices without any medals of victory.  Bob, Lily and Evie were IRONMAN's greatest supporters, but also his greatest victims. 

I know it sounds dramatic, but it was this realization that has helped me crawl out of the blues and embrace the idea of true rest.  It has helped me embrace a life not completely dictated by the training schedule again.  My greatest hero, my IRONMATE, has told me over and over again that he cannot wait for me to do IRONMAN all over again in 2018, that he stands behind me, but that he just needs some time.  I finally get it, and I am finding my place once again. 

The beauty of this new space I am in is that I can focus on getting better.  I am not training for distance, so I get to focus on quality over quantity.  I get to use the time that my kids are in school to train my body instead of getting the distance in during family time.  I get to sleep in and stay up late with my husband.  Under the guidance of my coach I am relearning the benefit of the track, and improving my swimming by embracing the team coaching with RACELAB and the incredible Bettina.  I am slowing down and finding the weaknesses in my technique.  I am getting better......all while actually being a present wife and mother.  I feel good and rested and..........BALANCED.

I am also nursing a small injury from the months of overuse in my foot.  I began to experience arch pain last year in September.  I went to the Chiropracter to basically discover a muscle weakness in my foot.  He was able to successfully get me through the race with no pain, but following IRONMAN I discovered intense pain in my big toe joint when doing lunges.  I am foolish and chalked it up to a tired foot so continued to train on the foot for a month only to discover it wasn't getting better.  

Well, I went back to my Chiro and discovered.......I have a big problem that I need to rehab and strengthen to keep myself from the dreaded plantar fascitis and being completely grounded by a foot (I kind of need those for all of this).  Thankfully I am in this special place where I can take a week off of running and it doesn't derail a thing.......point in fact......its refreshing.  Rest season is a beautiful thing.

It has been interesting and challenging, but I wouldn't trade any of it and I am overly grateful for a husband who flat out loves me......and wants to be with me.  He supports all of this, and can't wait to do it all again.  He loves me, but he also fights for me.......and IRONMAN won't ever hold a candle to the man I married.  I am finding my place following IRONMAN and I am looking forward to what is in store for me and us this year.

Lost Dutchman 8K (Me) and 10K (Bob)

Phoenix Marathon (Bob)

Spring Fever 1/2 Marathon (Me)

Rocky Point Triathlon (Both)

Grand Canyon Rim2River (Both)

Dueces Wild Triathlon (Both)

BAHAMAS (Not racing......just going on VACAY!)

Fueled by Wine 1/2 Marathon (Me)

Mountain Man 1/2 IRONMAN (Me)

Lifetime TRI (Me)

Petrified Forest Marathon (Bob)

Tucson Marathon (Me-gonna attempt to Boston Qualify, HOORAH!)

Dear Lily and Evie: Love Always Wins

Hey girlies, I've been thinking about this letter for a while now, and it's such an important one.  I know that you won't understand much of what I am going to write about for a while now, but I still want to write it.  Life is a series of events and our response to those events are what shape our future. They are what shape our character.  The world is a very interesting place right now. 

We have a new president and he officially took office this month.  In his first few days of office he has done some big things and our country is reeling in both good ways and bad.  I am amazed at how a simple change of power has brought out the best and the worst in people and it is important that you understand one thing.

Darkness will never snuff out the light as long as the light continues to shine against all odds.

Harsh, unkind words have been spoken from our top leaders to our fellow neighbor.  We have all been unkind.  We are afraid of what we don't understand, and have judged each other under the harshest of guidelines.  People in our country who once considered this place a safe haven no longer feel welcome and thousands of people are marching in protest.  We are divided, we are hurting.  In our division, we are angry and afraid and we are doling out our version of retribution all the while creating a further darkened and chaotic home.  We are spewing blame and pointing fingers all the while refusing to look inward and hurting the most marginalized people in our country.  The darkness is pressing.

But the light always shines brighter......always.  Love always wins......always.

I have taught you that words have the power to speak life, but that they also have the power to speak death and destruction. How dearly I wish that so many others would have been raised with this small understanding.  In a world of harshness, bitterness and anger our words can truly be the way to change.  Our words can be the way our light shines.....or the way we usher in the hurt.  Shine Girls....shine brightly.....for the darkness is pressing.

Our country is saturated in fear right now and it is seeping into every area of our lives.  We are afraid of people different from us, we are afraid of those not born here, we are afraid of being too tolerant, we are afraid of not being tolerant enough. We are afraid of loosing freedom and loosing money and loosing jobs.  We are afraid of loosing our rights, we are afraid of being afraid, we are afraid of the what ifs, we are afraid of a future we can't predict and afraid of the influences we feel are dictating it.  We are afraid.  

And fear is the currency of the oppressed.

So I am writing to you girls to tell you, I am not afraid and you shouldn't be either. I have traded in my fear for hope.  I have traded in my uncertainty for trust.  I have traded in my anger for joy and I have traded in my judgement for grace.  I am free from oppression because my Jesus told me so.  No, our current leader was not my choice, and I disagree with much of what he is doing and how he is treating many people, but I am not afraid, and I stand in respect.  I will oppose decisions he makes that I disagree with, but I will do so without fear and with kindness.  I will shine brighter.

So girls, from your Momma's heart remember who you are.  Remember how I raised you. Remember that light will always pierce the darkness, but will only shine if you let it.  Jesus has set you free, so BE FREE and take others with you.  You are not bound by the trappings of this world.  This place is not your home.  Your home is in the Kingdom of Jesus and the Kingdom of Jesus is here.  Its in the grace, kindness, hope, joy, peace, patience, self-control and gentleness we extend to others.  It is in the way we stand up for justice and the way we care for the marginalized.  It is in the way we lay down our lives and serve the very ones who have hurt us.  It is in the way we see others.......as faces of Jesus.

Jesus changed the world, not because he fit into it, but because wasn't of it.   He had a Kingdom agenda and lived a Kingdom life.  Here is the hard part.......it went against the culture.....it went against the norm.  The Kingdom life extends grace where the world would yell condemnation.  The Kingdom life isn't afraid.......its kind, its LOVE.

And love ALWAYS wins.