One Day

This past weekend was one of those special emotional times.  Chelsea and Michael came for a very brief visit on their way across the country to Phoenix.  Uncle Rob was there too and it was just wonderful to surround them with all of us Colorado family!

Michael is simply too precious for words.  My heart smiled so big when I saw him.  He looks a lot like his Daddy and I couldn't help but want to snuggle him up tight.

It was simply wonderful to see all of our kiddos together.  Its hard to have family all across the country and just awesome when we can find a brief time to get us together.  Thank Heavens for pictures.  At least we can keep us all together in one place long after we have all gone our separate directions.

I got to spend several moments talking to Chelsea, hearing her heart and listening to her pain.  I am amazed by her.  I loved hearing about her and Curtis, how they met, where they got married and everything else.  Their story is pretty cool.

The pain of loosing Curtis is real....still and in many ways it feels like it was yesterday.  Wrestling with the question "where do I go from here?" is truly an overwhelming conflict and one I wish I could answer for her.  I cannot relate to the pain Chelsea is feeling because no matter how much I sympathize, I cannot empathize.  To think I could would be arrogant, I have never lost so great.

Curtis' Urn. Bronze with a waterfall and eagle.  Breathtaking.

How do you make sense of such sorrow and loss?  Where is the justification for a little boy left without his Dad?  Or for a young wife left without her other half?  The answer is simple enough....there is none.  No justification or sense.  Its just part of his broken place we live our life in.  Praise the Lord the end is more glorious.  Thank the Lord sorrow and loss is not eternal.  Thank Heavens death has been defeated!

The darkness is always the darkest before the dawn and right now its awfully dark.  One day I know the pain will lessen,  I know the future will be bright again, and I know the clouds will lift and joy will come.  Perhaps not today, or tomorrow, or next week, but one day.....

He's Out on the River

This past weekend, Bob, the girls and I headed out to Farmersburg Iowa to celebrate the life of dear Grandpa Vern.  Bob's Grandpa passed away peacefully at the end of August and all of the family from across the states met this past weekend on the Mississippi to remember and say goodbye.  It was a special time and I am very glad that we made the effort to be there.  The river holds a special place in Bob's heart because it held a special place in his Grandpa's.  Bob used to spend weeks up on the river catching fish, having fish frys and swimming.  He loved his Grandpa a lot.  Can't say I blame him.

Grandpa Vern LOVED the river. He spent every moment he could on it whether it was 5 below zero or in the middle of the summer.  He was somewhat of a legend for his fish catching abilities.  I remember the first time that I met him.  It was Thanksgiving 10+ years ago.  Bob and Grandpa took me ice fishing.  Perhaps in someway Bob knew that if I went ice fishing, I was a girl worth keeping.

We trucked out to the middle of the ice and Grandpa cut the holes in the ice.  He sat not but 5 feet from me and we fished.  In the time it took Bob and I to catch 1 between the two of us Grandpa had literally filled his bucket.  I was convinced that his hole was the jackpot and with a smile he switched spots with me.  I sat there confident I was gonna bring in the load and he started pulling fish by the bucket full out of my hole.  It was unreal.  Talk to anyone, Vern Kuenster knew where the fish were.  Or maybe the fish just flocked to such a gentle, peaceful fisherman.

In the 11+ years that I have known Bob, I have been with Grandpa probably the same amount of times. He was always a quiet man but one you could look to for strength.  He was so generous and kind.  I remember him teaching me how to fish "First rule of the boat Bethany, know where Grandpa is at all times!" I remember him saying.  He put worms on my hook, took the fish I caught off of the hook, detangled lines and retied hooks when my fishing skills caught logs instead of fish.  He was a master of the fish fry and blueberry pancakes were his morning specialty.  I won't forget him.

All of the family was able to traverse out to a small quiet cove of the river and individually say goodbye to this special man.

His ashes were spread on the river, where they should be.  After all, its where he loved to be the most.  What a tribute.

Lily, Evie and her cousins were such good kids.  Lily loved the boat and being out on the water.  I simply cannot say enough about my little Lily Grace.  She was adorable and so loving on this trip.  She is still young, but somehow she knew that this trip was about comfort.  She kept on telling Great Grandma "I love you," "I missed you" "So good to see you."  She just made our hearts melt.

Evie was only too happy to cuddle with whoever wanted to snuggle her be it Great Grandma, Aunt Linda, Cousin Chelsea or any of the other family.  Sleep was somewhat hit or miss for her, but she was a cutie none the less.

The weekend was short and busy, but we did manage to get a 20 mile run in and we just happened to run into some old Arizona friends in the Chicago airport.

What fun it was to have an "its a small world" moment in the terminal.

Grandpa Vern will be very missed.  The river just won't be the same without him.  As we drive across the grand Mississippi on our way to Great Grandma's house though, I will always smile knowing that he's where he should be...... out on the river.