Mountains of Faith

So many of my blogs are just about life in general and all of the good things that are happening to us on a daily basis. Bob and I are so blessed. Still, I want to share with you some of the pain that we have been dealing with too. The past several months have been an overwhelming experience of fear and uncertainty mixed with confusion. We have spent so much time in and out of doctor's offices. When we got married, never in our wildest dreams would we have thought that having children would be so difficult. With so many doctors pouring information, test results and frustration into our lives, I have noticed that the still small voice of the Holy Spirit has become muffled and inaudible. The still small voice that has always told me that Bob and I will be parents, the small voice that has told me that I will experience the joy of being pregnant, the small voice that has always told me that we will have our own little miracle. A couple of weekends ago, I had an amazing conversation with a couple of women who encouraged me and gave me a lot to think about. After the conversation I wanted to share my heart.

Recently, I have been so amazed at how easily doubts and fears can rob us of our joy and decrease our faith. This is especially the case when it comes to having a family. Sometimes the crisis of infertility has clouded my heart and burdened my soul. The fear of the unknown has been a staple in Bob and my life and yet I know that this is not godly. Our church has committed to reading through the entire Bible this year. Over the past week the Lord has brought out so many awesome verses. Matthew 5:3 says “You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.” Then again in chapter 16 “You're not in the drivers seat, I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it.” How awesome is it that we serve a God who is in control and that our circumstances and hardships create in us a strength we could not have imagined. Proverbs 24:10 says “If you fall to pieces in a crisis, there wasn't much to you in the first place.” I pray that the hardships Bob and I are facing continue to strengthen our faith as we daily put God back in the drivers seat.

I love in Matthew 17 when Jesus is talking to the disciples. His followers came to him in frustration wanting to know why they had been unable to throw a demon out of a possessed man. They asked Jesus, "Why couldn't we throw it out?" Jesus responded, “Because you are not taking God seriously,” said Jesus. “The simple truth is that if you had a mere kernel of faith, a poppy seed, say, you would tell this mountain, 'Move!' and it would move. There is nothing you wouldn't be able to tackle.” The disciples had allowed doubts to affect their faith and they missed the Glory of God's miracles working through them. They had no idea the power that the Lord had given them. I realized that the power we have in Christ is beyond our imagination. If only we would tap into it, mountains would be minor compared to all that we could move. Somehow through our world, our culture and our lives we as God's disciples have forgotten the power that we have. Again in Mark 9, a man had a son that was demon possessed and constantly in a fit of seizures. The man came up to the Lord and asked, "If you can do anything, do it. Have a heart and help us." Without missing a moment Jesus clearly responded, “If? There are no 'ifs' among believers. Anything can happen.” How many times a day do we use the word if? I realized that when I speak about children and a family I have always talked about it with an 'if' and not a 'when'. I want to have faith that moves mountains, a faith that says when not if. I love Proverbs 3:5-6 in The Message, “Trust God from the bottom of your heart, don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go.” The phrase "Listen for God's voice in everything you do" is a beautiful reminder to me to trust that still small voice. I love how the Lord reaches out of the pages of the Bible to meet me where I am at, love me in moments of weakness and strengthen my faith. I have a renewed sense of confidence and hope. Proverbs 21:31 “Do your best, prepare for the worst- then trust God to bring victory.” I am claiming the victory of a beautiful baby.

As an act of this renewed faith, Bob and I went out and bought our first newborn onesie. This one literally jumped off of the shelf. It says "Kiss Me" on the front. One day, this little item will be worn on our little miracle. Until then, we will continue praying fervently, hoping unconditionally and trusting God to bring us a victory.